We’re trying for something a little different this time, folks. Something a little fun and a little funky. This time around, we’re going to talk about a group of people who completely lack fashion sense and would need some serious redesign if they were ever translated into live-action media. With people everywhere talking and theorizing about the upcoming film The Dark Knight Rises, I thought we should look at the Batman’s worst-dressed enemies.

Get ready to giggle.

CRAZY QUILT

Paul Dekker was a painter who later suffered an eye injury. Now all colors seemed obscenely bright and garish to him, painful to look at. He became the criminal Crazy Quilt, dressed in a patchwork outfit meant to make other people feel as he did. Though, if you think about it, with his condition, this outfit probably caused more pain for Quilty than anyone else. I mean, if you see normal colors as bright and painfully clashing, wouldn’t a costume designed for such a purpose just exacerbate the problem?

Crazy Quilt later made himself a helmet the could hypnotize and disorient his enemies with crazy colorful lights. Alas, this did not prevent him from getting beat-up and imprisoned by Batman and Robin. In fact, Robin became Crazy Quilt’s object of vengeance, since the Boy Wonder beat him up more often than the Dark Knight.

Recently there’s been a lady Crazy Quilt and she actually seems to pull off the look better than Dekker ever did. Either way, once you’ve seen this outfit and that helmet, you never forget it.

SIGNALMAN

Some people, when they become a costumed hero or villain, get inspired by a specific symbol or icon. Batman was inspired when a bat crashed through the window. The Green Lantern’s symbol is the lantern that acts as the source of his power. But Phil Cobb wasn’t a guy to sweat any details. He just liked symbols and signals and became fascinated by how society seemed to be driven by them, so he became the Signalman.

He fought Batman a few times, once turning the Bat-Signal into a heat beam, another time trapping Batman inside it. He also briefly became an anti-Green Arrow called “the Blue Bowman.” In general, he’s never done anything major to register on the super-villain scale in a big way. And why should he? That cape. Those clashing colors. And those ridiculous shorts! What is with those shorts?

The main problem here might be that there’s no cohesive identity and it shows. This is just a bunch of random decorations and images thrown together. Signalman, it would be good if you picked a single symbol or icon. Otherwise, you’re as generic as “Theme-Man” or “Guy in Costume.”

Moving on…

CALCULATOR

Remember when the pocket calculator was new, cutting edge technology? Naturally, DC decided that there should be a villain who corrupted said device for evil uses. Enter Noah Kuttler AKA the Calculator. Now, if you break it down to what this battle suit could do, it was actually pretty cool. Its sensors and operating system could scan an enemy and accurately predict what they would do in battle. Give the suit enough information, it could even enter the realm of psychohistory (one of Asimov’s cooler ideas) and predict how the general populace would behave. And the helmet could project solidified holograms that could be operated as weaponry in a way that mimicked the Green Lantern power ring.

Sadly, it’s hard to get people to listen and acknowledge that you’re potentially quite dangerous when you look like a tool. Seriously, a keypad with simple math symbols on it would get you beat up in high school, much less by the likes of Batman and Aquaman. After vanishing for several years, you might’ve expected Kuttler to re-appear with yet another costume based on cutting-edge tech such as the iPhone. But instead, he kept the name Calculator and simply dropped the costume, becoming a hacker and information broker for DC supervillains. He’s been doing much better now operating that way, but one still has to wonder if his old battlesuit isn’t hanging in a closet, waiting for someone to wear it again.

KITE MAN

Charles Brown (known as “Chuck” to friends) decided to use jet-propelled kites to commit serious crimes. Basically, imagine if Charlie Brown of the Peanuts gang got so angry at the tree that kept messing with his kite, he decided to use kites as an instrument of revenge against society. In fact, that would have probably been a cooler story that what Kite Man provided us. He dressed up in silly costumes and despite the fact that he had high-tech jets that could’ve acted as a rocket pack, he insisted the kites were necessary to make him a bad-ass super-villain.

So naturally, this kite-armed individual decided to take on heroes that surely even he had a chance of beating up. Or rather, that would have been the smart move. But no, instead, he decided to fight the Batman (big mistake!) and, later on, Hawkman and Hawkgirl (heroes armed with maces, bigger mistake!!!).

KILLER MOTH

Drury Walker was a no-name criminal who decided to set himself up as the anti-Batman. But unlike the Wrath or Prometheus, he decided to do it without being intimidating. By day, he masqueraded as rich playboy Cameron Van Cleer. By night, he was the Killer Moth, based in his Moth-Cave until criminals could summon for his aid with the Moth-Signal, at which point he’d arrive in his Moth-Mobile and take care of any pesky cops or vigilantes so his clients could escape. Of course, he wasn’t very good at this and criminals realized that shining a light into the sky to announce their presence was not the smartest idea.

And hey, look at what our boy is wearing. I know a couple girls who have knee high socks with that color pattern! Maybe Drury decided that an anti-Batman needs to be the opposite of intimidating, someone who would be invited to kids’ parties before guest-starring on Sesame Street. In the 1990s, they changed Killer Moth into a mutated creature called Charaxes, but no one can ever forget this outfit here.

THE TEN-EYED MAN

Wow. Hey ladies, I’ve got my eyes on you! Hey, now! I can see you in my pants! No, seriously, look at my belt. It has an eye!

Okay, weird jokes aside, let’s look at this guy. Phil Reardon, a guy who was injured in the eyes by a grenade and then, while he was guarding a warehouse, mistook Batman for an intruder and fought him. The real intruders had planted a bomb in the warehouse and it went off, completely blinding Reardon. But that’s okay, because an experimental operation attached his optic nerves to his hands, allowing him to see through his fingers.

Just think about that for a moment. You’d need to have your hands out in front of you the whole time just to walk and if you made two fists you would be instantly blind. On top of that, what is with this look? Mohawk and a lot of eye badges? Really? Like having eyes in your fingers isn’t creepy enough. This villain was so lame, writer Marv Wolfman made it a point to kill him during Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Recently, Grant Morrison re-invented the concept by introducing a cult of mystics known as the Ten-Eyed Men of the Empty Quarter, mysterious warriors who tattoo eye symbols on their fingers, hunt down demons and are able to cut out the darkness of people’s souls.

CALENDAR MAN

Julian Gregory Day (wow, named after not one but two calendars) was a very clever criminal who decided to commit crimes based on holidays, seasons, the days of the week, etc. To be fair, he actually did pull off quite a number of successful robberies each time he went on a crime spree, not being captured by Batman until the he finally tried one heist too many. If he’d stopped some of those crimes at an earlier date, he could have easily retired and enjoyed his riches.

But while Julian Day can be intimidating when he’s wearing the clothing of a simple patient of Arkham Asylum, that’s lost the minute he puts on his official costume. His default look was a rather ridiculous hooded outfit with a sash and calendar pages stapled or taped together as a very flimsy cape. Though, you have to admit, a man who runs around in this costume must not be afraid of anything.

But that’s not all. The Calendar Man adopts a different costume for different crimes. For a Wednesday crime, he dressed as Odin (whose other name Woden later gave us Wednesday). For a Thursday crime, he dressed up as his own version of Thor (from whom we get “thor’s day”). For a spring crime, he dressed up as a… flower guy… Yeah…

For a summer crime, he dressed up as a man bursting with fire and decorated by the sun. For a winter crime, he dressed up as a living snowman. That’s right. There is a comic where Batman fights what seems to be Frosty the Snowman. And all of these costumes were ridiculous, gaudy and lame. For a time, during the 90s, he adopted a different, creepier guise, but that was short-lived. So for sheer volume of awful costumes, the Calendar Man totally wins.

And that brings us to a close for now. There were other villains we could’ve talked about, but then again we could be here forever. Rest assured, there will be other best of and worst of lists in the future.

CONVENTION ALERT! If you are at WonderCon in San Francisco this weekend, I am wandering around. You can find me in panels dealing with superhero psychology and trauma, panels concerning the Green Lantern film, the Doctor Who panel, and probably just walking around the floor. So if you spy me, come up and say hi!

Until next time, this is Alan Kistler, Agent of S.T.Y.L.E., signing off.

Alan Kistler writes the comic book history/fashion column Agent of S.T.Y.L.E. He is an actor and freelance writer living in New York who has been recognized by Warner Bros. Films and major media/news outlets as a comic book historian. He is also the creator/host of the web-show “Crazy Sexy Geeks: The Series.” He knows entirely too much about the history of comics, Star Trek, Doctor Who, time travel, and vampires that don’t sparkle.

Alan can be followed via Twitter: @SizzlerKistler. His work can be found at http://KistlerUniverse.com or http://www.youtube.com/user/CrazySexyGeeksSeries

Most folks have heard of Batgirl, but not as many know about the Batwoman!

Kathy Webb was a spy who left behind her life of action to become a successful film director, later marrying the wealthy Nathan Kane. A woman of many talents and a thrill-seeker, Kathy was given a circus by her husband Nathan simply because she’d always wanted one. After her husband’s death from a stroke, Kathy felt directionless and didn’t know how to express her grief beyond courting danger as usual. But then she was recruited by the mysterious organizations Spyral and asked to learn what she could of Gotham’s mysterious Batman, who had recently begun operating alongside the first Robin.

Accepting the assignment, Kathy was surprised to find herself drawn to this dangerous, driven vigilante and decided that the best (and most fun) way to get close to him and learn about him was to join his war. Outfitted in a bright, circus-style outfit, she became Batwoman, armed at all times with a utility purse and a smile. After a heated but brief relationship with Batman, Kathy Kane seemingly ended her own mission by retiring from the life of a superhero and breaking up with Bruce Wayne. A couple of years later, she met her death when she was killed by the forces of Ra’s al Ghul and the O-Sensei.

Years later, Kathy’s relative Kate Kane left the U.S. Marine Corps when she was forced to admit she was gay. Driven by the memory of her mother and sister’s deaths, Kate was a warrior at heart who now didn’t have a fight. Inspired by Batman, she later became the new Batwoman. Since then, she has been a dedicated vigilante, hunting down some of Gotham’s most dangerous psychotics and becoming an enemy of the religiously-driven Church of Crime. With recent appearances in Batman, Inc. and a new on-going series coming out, Kate Kane is definitely a hero to watch.

So let’s take a look at these two women. We’re going to stick primarily with mainstream continuity, as usual.

KATHY KANE, CIRCUS STAR

Kathy Kane first debuted as Batwoman in Detective Comics #233 in 1956. Accusations of Batman and Robin’s adventures having a homosexual subtext had made many parents concerned. So Bob Kane (Batman’s creator) and Sheldon Moldoff created Kathy Kane to disprove this idea by becoming a romantic interest for the Dark Night Detective. To emphasize Kathy’s femininity, she had a utility purse and all her weapons were based on what could be a woman’s personal items. Strangely though, the stories often involved Batman avoiding Batwoman’s romantic attentions, unwilling to settle down or expose is secret identity to anyone.

Now look at Kathy’s outfit. Although she is modeling herself after the Dark Knight, she’s definitely not following his color scheme or basic imagery. We could argue that this makes no sense and that she should dress just like Batman, but let’s remember that just because you’re attracted to someone or trying to get their attention, it doesn’t mean you have to dress like them. Batman was a lighter-hearted character in the 1950s than he had been in his early days, but he was still someone who intimidated his enemies and who would make himself seem like a creature of the night when he operated in the shadows. If you see him as a silhouette moving across a rooftop, you could believe he was a creature rather than a man.

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Some heroes are part of a legacy. It began with Dinah Drake, a girl with a talent for physical combat who had trained for years to be a fighter and a detective. It was her father’s hope that she would become a police detective like himself. But the Gotham City police force of the 1940s didn’t accept Dinah into its ranks and so, following the death of her father, she decided to pursue crime-fighting in a different way. By day, she ran a simple flower shop, but at night she donned a blond wig and black outfit to operate as the vigilante called Black Canary. After several of adventures, she wound up joining the Justice Society of America, history’s first superhero team.

Years later, Dinah Drake married her long-time boyfriend, Detective Larry Lance. Eventually, they had a daughter, young Dinah Laurel Lance. Growing up with two crime-fighting parents, surrounded by superhero “uncles”, young Dinah wanted nothing more than to be the new Black Canary. Her mother was against it, but young Dinah persisted, especially after she discovered she had been born with the ability to emit sonic blasts (a side effect of her mother’s repeated exposure to supernatural forces). After years of intensive physical training, Dinah Laurel Lance got her own wig and outfit and became the new Black Canary. Soon after she started her heroic career, she even became a founding member of the Justice League of America.

Dinah Laurel Lance has been through a lot, over the years. She discovered that her mother had an affair with one of her “uncles.” She suffered through the deaths of both her parents. She has had an rocky on-again, off-again relationship with Oliver Queen, the hero called Green Arrow. A case that involved her being tortured robbed her of her powers and damaged her health. Later on, she began working as a “Bird of Prey,” one of several agents organized by Barbara Gordon AKA Oracle to act as international trouble shooters. Having now regained her powers and reaffirmed her direction in life, Black Canary (who now simply dyes her hair) continues to take down criminals, war lords and super-villains and always looks good doing it.

So let’s examine her fashion choices over the years. As usual, we’ll be sticking with what is/was considered mainstream continuity or else this becomes a novel.

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We’re doing something different this week, boys and girls. Some of you might have realized by my post earlier this week concerning the nature of Superman and what I want in the next movie that the Man of Steel is on my mind. This week, we will not be discussing him but rather his imperfect reflection.

BIZARRO #1: What down, cat?

And joining me this week is the imperfect duplicate in person: Bizarro #1, as he calls himself. Now, as continuity stands, Bizarro was initially created during an attempt to clone Superman. The scientist who made him, employed by Lex Luthor, was unable to fully understand the alien DNA of a Kryptonian. As a result, this “bizarre clone” became an imperfect duplicate, with calcified skin and a twisted form of logic. Later attempts led to the same results and each clone was destroyed, until finally the Joker-

BIZARRO #1: Not speaking frontwards! Bizarro #1 am me and not end that way!

I’m sorry? “Not speaking frontwards”? Is that you’re Bizarro way of saying you WANT me to tell it backwards?

BIZARRO #1 (nodding head): NO!

But I’m speaking chronologically. It’s how we do things on round Earth as opposed to your square Bizarro World.

BIZARRO #1: Your DAD not speaks chronologically!

There’s no need to make this personal! Look, let’s just jump into the fashion discussion, okay? I warn you though, we’re doing the rest of this chronologically! And we’re sticking primarily with mainstream continuity!

BIZARRO (growling): Me like you very much.

Whatever. Let’s get on with this.

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“Look, up in the sky!”

It’s not just a geek thing. Americans who’ve been in the habit of watching television and films for the past thirty years should know that phrase, even if they’ve never picked up a comic book in their life. But it’s not just a joke or a cliche. It is actually, when you break it down to basics, what Superman is all about.

“Look, up in the sky.” Not a bird or a plane. And certainly not just one of a crowd of superheroes. That figure flying towards us is an angelic (though humanly flawed) being who came down from the stars, wearing a shield on his chest decorated by an alien symbol for hope. He’s an orphaned farm boy who hates bullies and has dedicated himself to protect and inspire the planet that adopted him.

People are talking and arguing about what has to happen in the new Superman movie that will be directed by Zack Snyder. I could talk about what kind of story I’d like or what villains I want to see (Christopher Eccleston as Brainiac!), but that’s a matter of personal preference. My main concern is that this movie be great. A “decent” Superman film will not cut it for me, not after many were disappointed with Superman Returns (some fine acting, but a lackluster story). I want great. And part of how to do that, I think, is to remember that Superman can still stand out among hundreds of other costumed heroes who have followed in his wake. He’s not just Kal-El, Last Son of Krypton, he’s also called the Man of Tomorrow.

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Life was never that easy for Sam Thomas Wilson. The son of a minister, Sam grew up in Harlem, New York and developed an affinity for training and caring for birds. As a teenager, Sam began to grow cynical after repeated facing racial prejudice and told his parents that he rejected their faith. To his surprise, they responded by providing him books on other faiths so he could find his own path. Sam was deeply touched by this act but became jaded again when his father was killed the next night while attempting to stop a fight. After his mother was killed by a mugger two years later, Sam turned to a life of crime, taking on the nickname of “Snap.”

Snap Wilson’s life of crime later led  him to Exile Island, a place where he met Captain America’s greatest enemy, Hitler’s protege, the Red Skull. The Skull had recently acquired the Cosmic Cube, a device that can make thought reality, and decided to use Wilson as a sleeper agent to take down Captain America. With the Cube, the Skull blocked out Snap’s memories of the past several years, convincing him that his parents were still alive and that he’d become a social worker. No longer jaded by the death of his parents, Sam Wilson reverted to his previous, good-natured personality. The Cosmic Cube also gave him a psychic connection to his pet falcon Redwing.

When Captain America came to Exile Island to fight the Skull, he met Sam Wilson and the two joined forces. Cap took on Sam as his new partner and apprentice, teaching him acrobatics, military strategy, and martial arts. Calling himself “Falcon,” Sam became a hero in his own right, eventually gaining the ability to fly thanks to specialized wings constructed by the Black Panther. Eventually, the Skull attempted to activate his sleeper agent, causing the Falcon to recall his parents’ deaths and his years of crime all at once. But Sam fought the Skull’s orders to kill his mentor, having now seen that he could be a good person despite the tragedies had had suffered and the crimes he had committed.

After spending some time on his own, he resumed his life as a superhero. Sam’s powers have increased over the years, allowing him full telepathy with birds of all kinds. He can ask them for help, direct them in attacks and see through their eyes miles away. Whether he’s working alone, alongside the international agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., as a member of the Avengers, or as a “hero for hire,” the Falcon is always ready and able to protect those who need him and punish those who deserve it.

Well, that brings us up to speed. Now let’s examine the artistic evolution of this high-flying hero. As usual, we are sticking with mainstream Marvel reality rather than parallel universes and the like.

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We looked at the Flashes in Part 1. We checked out the Kid Flashes in Part 2. Now to look at the dark side of the Speed Force.

Jay Garrick’s dark reflection was Dr. Edward Clariss, the man called Rival whose strange, erratic speedster powers later left him without a physical body. But Clariss only battled Jay once before later disappearing entirely. The first true evil speedster to grace the DC Universe came in the form of Barry Allen’s own dark rival.

Eobard Thawne was born in the 25th century and obsessed with the past, particularly the career of Barry Allen. Knowing that Barry Allen died during the Crisis on Infinite Earths (also known as the First Crisis), Thawne decided to go back in time to just after this death and take the hero’s place. He had his face altered and duplicated the hero’s powers before journeying into the past. But Thawne arrived months later than he should have, when there was already a third Flash, and he then discovered that he was destined to become Barry Allen’s greatest enemy during a later time travel journey. When he returned to the 25th century, the trip burnt out his powers and left him with no memory of the adventure.

But Thawne’s obsession with Barry Allen continued and he became curator of the Flash Museum, known as “Professor Zoom” to his colleagues for his work in Speed Force research. Later finding a spare Flash costume in a time capsule, Thawne extracted residual Speed Force energy in the suit. He first attempted to become the new Flash of the 25th century but then his true colors came through (see what I did there?) and he altered his identity, becoming the Reverse-Flash (for the first time, as far as he knew). He was a terror to the 25th century and made repeated trips to the past to kill and/or replace Barry Allen.

Thawne’s crimes were so great that he engendered hatred in Barry unlike any other. One day, when Thawne threatened the woman he loved, Barry Allen acted on instinct and grabbed the Reverse-Flash in a super-speed headlock. But he moved so quickly, Barry accidentally snapped Thawne’s neck in the process, killing the man. It seemed that the Reverse-Flash had finally been defeated and months later Barry died as well, during the First Crisis.

Other renegade speedsters showed up now and then. Speed Demon. Savitar. More prominent was a profiler named Hunter Zolomon who became obsessed with fixing his life, leading him to being bombarded by strange temporal energies that turned him into a new kind of speedster. Calling himself simply “Zoom,” he became obsessed with putting the new Flash, Wally West, through horrible tragedy, believing this would make him a better hero in the end. He even recruited the dark twin of Impulse, a twisted boy named Inertia, to help him later on.

Eobard Thawne was resurrected soon after the rebirth of Barry Allen and the villain increased his power by becoming the bearer of the Negative Speed Force, a corruption of energy absorbed from Barry’s own Speed Force. With this power, Thawne can actually change history, something the Flashes have never been able to do, and he has re-dedicated himself to destroying Barry’s life while improving his own.

Well, I think that brings us up to speed. Now let’s jump into things!

INTRODUCING THE RIVAL

Jay Garrick was the Flash during the Golden Age of comics, acting both on his own in Keystone City and alongside his friends in the Justice Society of America. In 1949, Flash Comics #104 introduced the first true super-speed villain. Edward Clariss was a professor at Midwestern University when Jay had been a student there and he’d been nearby when Jay’s lab accident made him a speedster. Years later, after Jay had become a successful chemist and research scientist, Dr. Clariss became the head of the Garrick Research Foundation. By this time, he’d figured out how to duplicate the Flash’s powers on a temporary basis and used the process on himself, becoming a criminal.

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So in Part 1 of our discussion on the Flash family, we discussed Jay Garrick, Barry Allen and Wally West. We also chatted about Jesse Quick and other folks who’ve operated as the Flash for a short time. In a previous piece on the JLA of the 853rd century, we discussed John Fox, a Flash of the future. But we haven’t talked about the other facets of this legacy. Namely, those who represent the future generations of speedsters.

Soon before marrying his fiancee Iris, Barry Allen met the lady’s teenage nephew Wally West, president and sole member of the Flash Fan Club of Blue Valley, Nebraska. As impossible as it seemed, Wally wound up suffering an identical accident to what happened to Barry, gaining his own super-speed. Years later, readers learned that Barry himself had unknowingly caused this, ensuring he would have a trained successor when he died years later. Wally became his protege. Though he wanted to be called “Speedy,” that name was already used by Green Arrow’s sidekick, so Wally was labeled “Kid Flash” by the media. He became a founding member of the original Teen Titans and a formidable hero in his own right, making Barry and Iris Allen both very proud. During the Crisis on Infinite Earths, Barry was forced to run beyond the speed of light to save all reality. In doing so, time warped around him and he wound up unintentionally sending some of his power backwards in time towards Wally, thus explaining the coincidence of their origins. Before he died, Barry had ensured that he would have a successor with years worth of training, ready to take on the mantle of the Flash.

Some time after Wally West had become the third Flash, he met his time-traveling cousin Bart Allen, grandson of Barry Allen. Having been born with super-speed that caused rapid aging, Bart was raised in virtual reality so his brain’s development could keep up with his body. He was then brought to the modern-day where Wally was able to stabilize his powers and his aging. Due to being brought up in a simulated reality where he was never in danger, Bart didn’t understand consequence and tended to act without any thought. A remark made by Batman inspired Wally to call Bart “Impulse.”

After a couple of years, Bart decided to become more serious and became the new Kid Flash. Wally wound up having a couple of kids of his own, whose powers initially manifested as non-speed abilities. Later on, Wally’s daughter Iris “Irey” West got her powers stabilized and became a speedster just like Daddy. Almost immediately afterward, she adopted the Impulse identity for herself.

Got it? Good. Now let’s take a look at these kids!

WALLY WEST – THE ORIGINAL KID FLASH

Wallace “Wally” West was the first Kid Flash. When he was introduced in The Flash #110 (1959), he could be described in one word: unoriginal. Not only was his origin a carbon copy of Barry Allen’s fantastic and seemingly one-of-a-kind accident, but his first costume was just a shrunken version of Barry’s uniform.

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The title of the Flash has been used by a legacy of different heroes whom, through one way or another, have been blessed with powers of incredible speed.

It began on January 25 (my birthday, coincidentally) in 1940 when Jason “Jay” Peter Garrick, a college student in Keystone City, Kansas, suffered exposure to chemicals that granted him incredible speed powers. Able to outrun gravity, catch bullets from mid-air, and vibrate his molecules at a rate that allowed him to phase through solid matter, Jay become the costumed hero known as the Flash, “Sultan of Speed.” A founding member of the Justice Society of America, history’s first superhero team, Jay eventually retired in 1951 due to government pressure against masked vigilantes.

Decades later, Barry Allen was a CSI in Central City, Missouri (Keystone’s “sister city”). One night, a lightning bolt crashed into his lab and caused a mixture of now-electrified chemicals to explode all over him, granting him abilities superior to those of Jay Garrick. Barry was actually faster and could even shift through time and space (though needed special equipment to control these journeys). Having grown up on stories about the original scarlet speedster, Barry became the new Flash and a founding member of the Justice League of America. Even in a world with other speedsters and guys like Superman, it became clear that Barry Allen was “the Fastest Man Alive.”

Barry was later joined by his nephew Wally West, who became Kid Flash. During the Crisis on Infinite Earths (also called the First Crisis), Barry sacrificed himself to save all of reality, running beyond the speed of light, his body shifting from physical matter into pure information. Wally adopted the guise of the Flash and served under the mantle for many years, briefly being replaced by his cousin Bart Allen (Barry’s grandson). Wally discovered that all speedsters drew their power from an energy field that existed outside of space and time, which he called the Speed Force. He also found out that the legacy of the Flash would last far into the future, with many heroes adopting the name over the centuries.

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First, let’s get a few things clear. I like Len Wein and have enjoyed many of his stories over the years. I’ve enjoyed many DC Comics titles over the years and continue to do so. And I have been a fan of several retcons that have, in my opinion, made a character stronger or simplified some confusing, contradictory storylines. I’m not some guy who trolls the internet or comic book stores with the deliberate intent of finding things to complain about. Frankly, I just don’t have that kind of time.

But sometimes there’s something in a comic that bugs me. Usually, venting to a friend for a minute and a half and moving on takes care of this. But when it becomes a consistent problem on multiple levels and seems inexplicable to me… Well, here we are. I’m talking about the limited series DC Universe Legacies. This series was billed as an overview of the history of DC’s superheroes, starting with the Golden Age of comics that gave us the Crimson Avenger, the Sandman and eventually the Justice Society of America. For new readers, it would be an easy who’s who to the DC Universe and would get them to stop worrying that they couldn’t understand certain crossovers without knowing their history. And for old readers who occasionally got confused, this would put things in context and clarify a few points.

Great idea. I was very excited, as I’m always looking for great things to recommend to new readers. But what was advertised is not what I got. Instead, each issue has becoming increasingly riddled with errors, contradictions, and way-too-long recaps of very famous stories that are readily available in trade and didn’t really need extensive recapping. I understand spending a few pages recapping the Crisis on Infinite Earths story because that was an epic tale that spanned all of DC Comics and events in it have been re-written a few times. But in issue #7 alone, we have 9 pages dedicated to recreating scenes from Death of Superman. 9 whole pages when we only have about 22 pages for the main story and then a few pages for the back-up stories. And are we being shown new scenes during these recaps? Things to explain questions fans might have had at the time? No. It’s literally just the same stuff from the original story, with only the presence of our narrator added so he can be a witness.

Why spend so many pages just re-drawing scenes from a story that gained national attention when it came out and that can be found as a trade in most comic book stores? I understand that you want to get readers interested in what happened to Superman, but just give us a page or two look into the story at most and then add a footnote saying: “If you want to see these events in more detail, read DEATH OF SUPERMAN tpb.”

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Stephen Vincent Strange was a brilliant but arrogant surgeon, turning down cases that didn’t interest him or didn’t involve enough payment. One night, a car accident led to serious damage in the nerves in his hands, ensuring he could not perform surgery again. Unwilling to be a consultant or teacher, Strange spent his fortune traveling the world, seeking a way to restore his life. His journeys brought him to Tibet where he met the Ancient One, a centuries-old mystic who served as Earth’s Sorcerer Supreme and who believed that Stephen had great potential as a new student.

Strange initially dismissed this, but then stayed on when he realized that the Ancient One’s life was in danger, as the wizard’s student Karl Mordo intended to kill him. Impressed by Strange’s altruistic behavior, the Ancient One cast out Mordo and took on the former New York surgeon as his pupil, offering a new life to replace the medical profession he’d lost. After years of study, Dr. Strange became a “master of the mystic arts,” able to accomplish seemingly impossible feats with magic and now gifted with a retarded aging rate. He returned to New York, setting up his Sanctum Sanctorum in Greenwhich Village, and over the years there were many children (including a young Matt Murdock AKA Daredevil) who grew up on stories about the doctor of black magic who lived on Bleeker Street and never grew old.

Along with his arsenal of spells, Dr. Strange was armed with the All-Seeing Eye of Agamotto, a Cloak of Levitation, and the Book of the Vishanti, one of the most powerful spell books in creation. Some years after the modern age of superheroes began, the Ancient One died finally and, after beating several sorcerers that included the villain Dr. Doom, Stephen won and inherited his master’s mantle as Sorcerer Supreme.

Dr. Strange has fought alongside many superheroes, sometimes working with teams such as the Defenders and the Avengers. He has fought super-villains, alien menaces, and demonic forces. He’s worked on his own, as a founding member of the Defenders, as a member of the Avengers, and as organizer of the Secret Defenders. Along with Baron Mordo, one of his greatest enemies has been the demon lord Dormammu, an inhabitant of the “Dark Dimension.” But recently, Dr. Strange was became addicted to the use of dark magical energies. Realizing he’d allowed himself to be corrupted, Stephen decided he was no longer worthy of being Sorcerer Supreme, turning it over to the hero Jericho Drumm AKA Brother Voodoo. Though less powerful, Strange has not shirked from any opportunity to continue defending humanity. With the recent death of Drumm, Strange is figuring out his new role in the world, working alongside the Avengers once more.

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Even in the Marvel Universe, a place filled with geniuses such as Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, the man named Reed Richards stands in a place all his own. A gifted intellectual prodigy, Reed was capable of splicing an atom at age 15. Already a leading researcher in many fields of science and technology in his early 20s, he went to Empire State University to pick up yet another degree. There he met two people who would greatly affect his life for years: the brilliant Victor von Doom of Latveria, who saw Reed as a rival, and Ben Jacob Grimm of New York, who became Reed’s roommate and best friend.

Years after more study and a brief stint in the military, Reed began work on a hyperdrive starship capable of traveling faster than light. Ben Grimm, now an Air Force pilot, was selected to pilot it. But when funding was cut and the mission was set to be scrubbed, Reed became desperate and decided to do a test flight himself. Ben warned that the radiation shielding hadn’t been tested and might not be strong enough, but Reed and his fiancee Sue Storm convinced him to go along. She and her teenage brother Johnny both insisted on helping Reed and Ben as crewmen and the four launched into space aboard the starship. But as the hyperdrive activated, the adventurers were bombarded by strange radiation and forced to crash land back on Earth. Not only did they survive without serious injury, but the four had each gained strange abilities and traits.

Concerned that he and his friends would be seen as freaks, Reed allowed a public relations campaign to paint them as superhero explorers (or “imaginauts”). They were given colorful nicknames and later Sue designed matching jumpsuits. Reed, Ben, Sue and Johnny came to be known as Mr. Fantastic, the Thing, the Invisible Girl (later Invisible Woman) and the Human Torch. Over the years, the Fantastic Four have gained interstellar fame for their explorations of other planets and dimensions and their many victories against alien invaders and cosmic menaces. Their greatest and most persistent enemy has been Reed’s old college rival, Dr. Doom, who has used a combination of incredible science, powerful magic and political manipulation in various attempts to destroy the FF and become ruler of the Earth.

Recently, it seems that Johnny was killed. Perhaps this is true. Perhaps like Mr. Fantastic and the Thing, who both seemingly died only to later return, we’ll be seeing him again sooner than we think. In any event, since folks are talking about the FF, let’s take a look at the styles they’ve worn over the years.

Now, as usual, we are sticking with mainstream reality so we won’t be delving into possible futures or parallel worlds (especially when you consider just how many parallel worlds the FF has visited), in order to keep this from becoming a novel.

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After her parents were gone and she was separated from her sister, Selina Kyle found herself abused by the woman who ran the orphanage she was staying in. After surviving an attempt on her life that involved her being trapped in a bag and thrown into a river, the young girl got victory over her “warden,” leaving her to the police after first forcing the women to wipe out all of Selina’s records.

Selina learned how to survive on her own, picking up thievery and karate. Living in Gotham’s East End, different circumstances led to her being trained by the martial artist known as the Armless Master, as well as the retired superhero Ted Grant AKA Wildcat (who had also trained a young Bruce Wayne). When Selina heard stories about the new vigilante Batman and then personally saw the Dark Knight evade and embarrass the police who tried to capture him, she was inspired to follow to his example… but in her own style, of course. Donning a feline costume, Selina Kyle became Catwoman, expert thief of Gotham City, often robbing corrupt people and well-known gangsters. The fact that she never endangered innocents or targeted people gave Batman reason to go easy on her and the two quickly realized an attraction to each other.

With her new money, Selina began a new life for herself, leaving the streets and entering the social circles of high society, even dating Bruce Wayne for a while. After several years of operating secretly as a thief and occasionally operating alongside more violent super-villains, Catwoman eventually shifted gears and tried to become a protector of the women of Gotham’s East End. Her new focus brought new trust from Batman and the hero revealed his identity to her.

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When Image was founded, Todd McFarlane created a character he intended to become as popular and as well known as Spider-Man and Superman. And with all the marketing that’s been done with the character, Spawn has gotten very close indeed.

Spawn is really Al Simmons. In life, Simmons was a black ops agent who was later killed by those he worked with. As his spirit began to move on, a voice in the darkness asked what he wanted most. Al said he wanted to see his wife Wanda again and would exchange anything for that. The bargain was struck and Al woke up in New York five years later. He got to see Wanda again, but she had since remarried to his best friend Terry. Al couldn’t even approach her because he had come back not as a living human being but as an animated creature of necrotic flesh, adorned in a parasitic costume of necroplasm. And in exchange for seeing his wife again, he had unknowingly agreed to become the new Hellspawn, the first in 400 years he was told, a warrior-in-training who would be a commander in Hell’s army when the apocalypse came.

Although given incredible magic power, it was limited. The sooner Al used it up, the sooner he’d return to Hell. Living on borrowed time and forced to make the alleyways his home, “Spawn” became a hero to the homeless and would sometimes take down criminals and super-villains he came across. Eventually, he became more involved in the cosmic battles of Heaven and Hell, concluding that both sides were corrupt and just saw human souls as fuel. Refusing to take sides, Al decided to forge his own path.

After years of more battles and wars, including a brief stint where Al became King of Hell, Earth was laid waste and God and the Devil were left to war over the remains. Meanwhile, Spawn was given enough power by the Mother of all reality to create a new version of Earth that would be free from the influence of either Heaven or Hell. Initially he attempted to live a new life as a human, his past wiped clean, but being with Wanda again proved tragic. So Al has returned to his role as a Hellspawn, serving penance for the things he’s done in life, living in the alleys again. Despite his remaking of Earth, Spawn has found that some of his enemies have survived into this new reality. Even in a new world, Spawn’s battles are never truly over.

There have also been other Hellspawns over the years. There was a Medieval Spawn and it turned out that Al’s great-grandfather was actually a Gunslinger Spawn in the Wild West (gotta keep it in the family, I guess). So let’s take a look at these different styles. Joining me for this column will be Spawn himself.

ALAN KISTLER: So let’s look at this first outfit of yours.

SPAWN: It’s actually a symbiote. A parasite. It was forged in Hell itself, made from necroplasm.

ALAN KISTLER: It looks like cloth.

SPAWN: It’s a symbiote.

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In the late 1930s, the Golden Age of Comics began, bringing us the first true generation of superheroes. The Crimson Avenger, the Sandman, Hourman, the Flash, Starman, the Golden Age Green Lantern, various others. Several of these heroes formed the Justice Society of America, the world’s first team of heroes. After years of service, they retired for various reasons. Decades passed with a few scattered champions occasionally showing up. The Modern Age of Heroes in the DC Universe began when Clark Kent made his debut as Superman, heralding a new generation of costumed crime-fighters and adventurers. There was Batman, Wonder Woman, the Blue Beetle, along with a new Green Lantern, a new Flash, and eventually a few new Starmen as well. Several of these heroes wound up working on the team known as the Justice League of America, successor of the JSA.

Some years back, in the crossover DC 1 Million, written by Grant Morrison, the JLA met the Justice Legion Alpha, a group of champions from the 853rd century who had inherited the mantles or been inspired by the legends of the modern day heroes. Justice Legion A was composed of a new Batman, the descendant of Superman, a new Wonder Woman, a time-traveling Flash from the 27th century, the descendant of the original Starman, a new Aquaman, and an android calling himself the Hourman. Each of the Justice Legion A was headquartered on one of the solar system’s nine planets (evidently, future generations decide that Pluto actually IS a planet, thank you very much) and joined forces when necessary to protect their sector of space and reality itself.

So let’s look at these strange heroes of the distant future. There were many other heroes we saw in the 853rd century, but we’ll be focusing on the core field members of the JL Alpha that we saw in the initial storyline.

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Barbara Gordon was the niece of Jim Gordon, police commissioner of the Gotham City Police Department. After her parents died, Uncle Jim adopted her and she quickly started calling him “Dad,” as he’d always been more of a father than her own had been. But despite their close relationship, there were tensions. Barbara showed far too much interest in the activities of superheroes and vigilantes for Jim’s liking and he did not want her becoming a cop. A teenager with gifted intelligence, Barbara graduated college before she was 18 and checked out the police academy and FBI. Although she was skilled in martial arts, had detective instincts and was adept at computers, Barbara was too short for field work and refused to have a desk job. She was determined to work the streets and take down criminals one-on-one, even attempting to contact the hero Black Canary for advice, since she admired the woman.

While attending a costume party dressed as a female version of Batman to annoy her father, Barbara wound up fighting the criminal Killer Moth. The public labeled her “Batgirl” and she decided to begin a career of crime-fighting. Batman watched over her while Robin provided her with equipment, having deduced her true identity. After a few adventures, Barbara proved herself and the Dark Knight revealed his true identity to her, offering her further training. Although she worked with Batman and Robin on many occasions, Barbara considered herself an independent woman and often operated alone.

After a few years, Barbara retired and soon afterward she was dealt a crippling injury by the Joker. Her life altered, she became a different style of hero called Oracle. Years later, the vigilante called Huntress began using the Batgirl identity until Batman put a stop to it, not wishing his symbol to be worn by someone he didn’t approve of or trust. The mantle passed on to Cassandra Cain, a girl trained to be a warrior from birth by one of Batman’s own teachers.

Most recently, Cassandra Cain has left Gotham to pursue a new life. She left her costume with Stephanie Brown, a young woman who had operated as the vigilante Spoiler for years and had even briefly acted as Robin. With Barbara Gordon as her mentor, Stephanie has proven to be a worthy Batgirl in her own right, becoming the one hero in Gotham who emphasizes hope rather than darkness and grim resolve.

This week, DC released the trade The Greatest Batgirl Stories Ever Told. With that in mind, let’s take a look at these different women and the uniforms they’ve worn. As usual, we’re focusing on the mainstream comics and not on alternate Earths and such.

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Raised to be a fighter and assassin almost since birth, Natalia “Natasha” Romanova had several teachers, the mysterious Logan AKA Wolverine and later the man called the Winter Soldier. While still a young girl, she was recruited into Russia’s Black Widow program, where she and other young women were trained at the “Red Room” facility to be covert operatives. Because she was given special chemicals treatments that increased her vitality, Natalia looks to be in her 30s today despite being born a few years before World War II began.

Natasha was the first to graduate from the program and took “Black Widow” as her official codename. A combination of brainwashing and false memory implants were used to keep her loyal and obedient even if she would’ve normally disagreed with a mission or refused to kill someone. Her superiors later faked the death of her husband, a government agent called Red Guardian, in order to further manipulate her emotions to this end. Eventually, she became an enemy of Tony Stark AKA Iron Man, trying to steal the secrets of his technology. To help her with this, she recruited the masked archer Hawkeye in some of these missions, initially manipulating him but later growing genuine feelings for the man.

Natasha started fighting against her mental programming and left Russia, joining the intelligence agency S.H.I.E.L.D. and working alongside the Avengers, now using wrist-mounted weapons that fired a “Widow’s Bite.” In her travels, she became romantically involved with Daredevil for a time and briefly led the California-based superhero team known as the Champions. She was leader of the Avengers for several months and has worked alongside many different superheroes across the globe. A few times, she also crossed swords with Yelena Belova, another women who claimed the name of Black Widow after she was trained by some of Natasha’s old teachers.

Recently, Natasha learned the full truth of her past and has adjusted her view of the world and herself. While she currently operates as a member of the Secret Avengers, she also regularly goes off on her own to handle threats and missions that the average hero couldn’t without crossing several moral lines and breaking many laws. With her appearances in the new Avengers cartoon and the film “Iron Man 2”, more and more people are learning about her and this week she stars in a new mini-series alongside Mockingbird and her old lover Hawkeye. So let’s examine the many looks this deadly Russian has sported over the years.

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In May of 1939, the Batman made his first appearance in Detective Comics #27. One year and one month later in Detective Comics #38 (April, 1940), he was given a young apprentice, a laughing boy daredevil modeled after Robin Hood. He was Richard “Dick” Grayson AKA Robin, the Boy Wonder, one of the first kid sidekicks of comics books.

Dick was raised in Haly Circus, a member of the Flying Graysons. Trained practically since birth to be an incredible aerialist, Dick was just entering his teenage years when a Gotham City mobster named Tony Zucco arranged for an “accident” to kill his parents as a warning to the circus owner to aid with criminal operations. Having witnessed the death of the Graysons and knowing what young Dick was going through, Batman approached the boy and offered to help him bring the killer to justice. The Dark Knight believed that if the youth was able to directly avenge his parents as soon as possible, then he wouldn’t hold on to anger and survivor’s guilt as Batman himself had and could lead a richer life. Dick agreed but later decided he wanted to be the hero’s full-time partner and apprentice and, after a few months, talked his way into the job. After months of extra training, Dick took on the identity of Robin, using a nickname his mother had given him.

After he turned 19, Dick decided he needed to follow a new path and left behind the Robin costume and his partnership with Batman, choosing the new identity of Nightwing. Soon afterward, the Dark Knight discovered Jason Todd, an orphaned teenage thief living on the streets. The boy proved useful in helping against a group of criminals, displaying a natural talent for combat and intense distrust and anger at the world. Batman decided to guide him, hoping to prevent the young man from falling further into the life of a career criminal. After training, Jason became the second Robin but was less merciful and often driven by rage. Eventually, his reckless nature got him killed by the Joker (though cosmic forces led to his resurrection later on).

Blaming himself for Jason’s death, Batman became harsh and brutal in dealing with criminals, prompting the attention of Tim Drake, a teenage neighbor of Bruce Wayne’s who had figured out a while ago that the billionaire socialite was actually the Dark Knight. Tim believed that Batman needed a Robin to balance his darkness and keep him sane, so he asked Dick Grayson to take on the identity again. But after seeing Tim was an incredibly gifted detective and computer hacker with a familiarity in martial arts and gymnastics (skills he’d been inspired to learn by Dick and Bruce’s example), Dick suggested to Bruce that he become the new Robin instead. After serious training and the death of his mother, Tim did just that and brought much glory to the name of Robin, both in Gotham and while working around the world with other super-heroes. For a brief time, he left the role and it was filled by Stephanie Brown, an on-again, off-again girlfriend who had been the vigilante called Spoiler (and who would later become the new Batgirl).

In recent times, Tim wound up suffering several tragedies right after each other, losing his father and then two of his best friends. After the events of the story Final Crisis and Bruce Wayne’s apparent death, Tim grew a darker disposition and went off on his own as “Red Robin,” an identity originally used by counterparts in parallel universes. With Bruce apparently dead, Dick took on the mantle of Batman and appointed Bruce’s newly-discovered son Damian as his new Robin, the deadliest young man yet to wear the name.

And those are the Robins in a nutshell. Now let’s check out their fashion.

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On November 23, 1963 at 5:15 pm on a Saturday, the BBC premiered a program that was intended to educate children on some basics of science and history and was expected to last perhaps a year. It became popular with people of all ages, delved into science fiction, history and fantasy, and created a franchise that has lasted for 47 years now.

The hero of this program is the mysterious Doctor, a Time Lord who travels in a “Type 40 TT Capsule”, also called a TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimension In Space), a ship that goes anywhere in space and time and seems determined to take the hero to places in the universe where serious trouble is about to occur. Though he’s more interested in adventure than any quest for justice, the Doctor fights evil whenever he stumbles across it. Blessed with the ability to regenerate his entire body twelve times, he has thirteen lives and so far has been portrayed by eleven different actors in his many television adventures.

The original program lasted 26 years, after which there were the “wilderness years” where the Doctor’s adventures were only continued in novels, comics, a few audio plays and even in stage productions. Fox then got the rights did a made-for-TV movie in 1996 introducing the 8th Doctor, but while this did very well in England the numbers in the US weren’t good enough to bring the show back. The wilderness years continued, but now with surging interest, a deluge of new audio plays starring the 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th Doctors. People realize that the public truly wanted this show to return and in 2005 the new series began, continuing an undetermined amount of time after the events of the TV-movie, introducing a new 9th Doctor who had recently suffered a terrible loss thanks to the Last Great Time War.

The new show is easy enough to get into since the first season and the latest fifth season are both written to be new-viewer-friendly, not requiring major knowledge concerning the Doctor’s past for you to enjoy them. But still, what about you folks who want to get to know the classic Doctors and aren’t sure where to start? Well, just for you, here is a primer on each of the Classic Doctors with some story recommendations for each one.

WHO IS THE DOCTOR?

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Some evil just seems to be unkillable.

Norman Osborn was a corrupt scientist and corporate executive for years. When he learned his partner Mendel Stromm was working on a strength-enhancement formula, he had the man sent to jail for embezzling and then stole the work, testing it on human subjects. The formula gave superhuman strength, but also mutated the subject into a scaled, goblin-like creature. Osborn continued working on the formula and one night while mixing it together, the solution turned green and exploded, sending him into a coma. When he awoke, he had superhuman strength, stamina, resiliency and increased intelligence. But with this intelligence came a new persona, a Norman Osborn who was truly insane and would stop at nothing to achieve power and dominion over others.

Osborn decided to begin a criminal empire and used his advance technology to outfit new super-villains to aid him in this. He had some victories, but many of his operations were thwarted by the new hero Spider-Man, who was unaware that there was a mastermind behind many of the crimes he was stopping. After sending various agents to take down Spider-Man and seeing that they all failed, Osborn decided to do it himself. He created various new weapons, a techno-suit and a mask that emulated the goblin-like forms that his old test subjects had mutated into. As the Green Goblin, he attempted to assume the place of New York’s most powerful gang leader on several occasions and became Spider-Man’s most persistent enemy, more so after he discovered the wall-crawler’s secret identity and became obsessed that the young hero either join him or die. At times, the Goblin persona would seem to be go away, leaving only the original Norman Osborn who, though corrupt, was not nearly as dangerous. But eventually the Green Goblin and his insanity always returned.

For a time, Osborn was believed dead and other people stepped into the role of the Green Goblin, most notably Osborn’s son Harry who had become Peter’s close friend and roommate. The original Hobgoblin began his career by stealing some of Osborn’s Goblin technology, inspiring a new branch of this evil legacy. Then Osborn came back and since then he has been a thorn in the sides of many good people, both as a public figure and as his grinning alter ego. But the villain helped cause his own defeat by forcing Earth’s heroes to unite against him and was once again imprisoned.

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