Earlier in the week DC Comics released one of their occasional teaser images consisting of a big, huge picture full of visual clues and metaphors hinting at future storylines and developments. If, by some chance, you haven’t seen it already, we’ve got it on the main site, along with a link to a gigantic version.
What does the image portend for the DCU’s “Brightest Day” direction? Let’s guess after the jump. I warn you though, I am terrible at these…
—Having been a Guardian of the Galaxy for centuries, founding his own Blue Lantern Corps and flirting with being a regular old rank-and- file Green Lantern Corpsman, Ganthet decides to try being an architect, although he’s not very good at it—mostly his sky scrapers just look like rectangles. Guy Gardner and Red Lantern Atrocitus however, know even less about architecture, and think he’s great. They too have long harbored desires to get out of the shooting-people-with-magic-rings business and into something more stable, so they decide to apprentice under Ganthet. Having seen so much death and destruction in their lives though, their first attempt at a building ends up looking an awful lot like a coffin.
—Horrified by the weird beak-and-teeth jaws of the hawk-people on the new Hawkworld, Hawkman and Hawkgirl sacrifice their lives to become part of the skeleton-portal that makes a bridge between Hawkworld and Earth, allowing the hawk-people access to proper dental care.
—Jade is the first to discover that the Returnees each have a terrible side-effect left over form their time being dead and/or Black Lanterns: Narcolepsy. It’s up to Hawk and Dove to carry her to bed, before they themselves pass out!
—Ronnie Raymond and Jason Rusch decide to bury Black Lantern Firestorm under a pile of rocks, heedless of The Atom’s mischievously giving them hotfoots while they work. And where is the Atom? He’s hiding under a golden shield.
—Jason is so intent on his work that not only is he ignoring the fact that his feet are on fire, he refuses to look at Mera’s butt.
—Hal Jordan decides he’ll never be as good a Green Lantern as Kyle Rayner, so decides to become a White Lantern. On his first day he decides to have a jelly doughnut for breakfast, a disaster for his new uniform. Depressed, he decides to just go back to bed. He, of course, sleeps in a giant broken glass lantern, the shards of which poke into his flesh. This is a remnant of his training with Eastern fakirs, which he received after traveling the globe and seeking out various masters of diverse skill-sets in order to become the Green Lantern, and avenge the deaths of his father figures Abin Sur and Alan Scott, he were gunned down in a mugging gone wrong after taking young Hal to see a movie. I think it was Zorro. Maybe Top Gun.
—Not really digging the mock turtleneck the White Lantern Thingee gave him upon resurrection, Aquaman seeks out comics artist Kelley Jones and asks him to help redesign his costume. The results are disastrous. Why didn’t Deadman warn him?
—Have I mentioned Mera’s butt yet?
—Now among the living for months, Deadman realizes he needs to get a job. He decides to try his hand at grave engraving. His first customer is Donald J. Rise.
—Black Manta is always losing his helmet, so the last time he took it off he put it somewhere special so he’d know where it was. But then he forgot where that place was. Check the shadow in the crevice beneath Aquaman and to the right of Mera’s butt, Black Manta!
—Aqualad kept breaking weapons, so he decides to just make one out of glowing hard water.
—The Anti-Monitor would like to talk to Simba, the lion king.
—J’onn J’onnz is another of the Returnees who needs to get a job. Since the Justice League isn’t hiring, he decides to go into the field of forest fire prevention as a substitute for Smokey The Bear. He refuses to wear the hat though.
—Captain Boomerang kept cutting his hands on his razor-sharp boomerangs and decided to just toss ‘em all out and go back to crazy trick boomerangs.
—Having rid Star City of corporate villains, and taken out much of its signage, Green Arrow turns his attention to its fat cat trees. They prove formidable foes though, and despite emptying his quiver into one, it still stands defiant.
—Ivan Reis, Joe Prado and Rod Reis’ signatures will prove important in the upcoming storylines, although I’m not sure how.