Last month, we sat down with some of the icons of comics to discuss how they felt about how they were represented in Halloween costumes. This month, with Thanksgiving fast approaching, we thought that we’d risk humorless tweets and reach out to ask what our heroes find themselves thankful for this year. We begin with Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, the Avengers, as they gather at the Infinite Mansion. It turns out that after some tinkering with a leftover device of Kang’s, they were able to round-up Avengers past and present. We begin with Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, The Wasp (Janet Van Dyne), Hank Pym, and the Hulk.
NRAMA: Thanks for agreeing to speak with us. Cap, Hulk . . . nice to see you again.
Captain America: You too, young man.
Hulk: Hi, Blog Guy.
Iron Man: Which one of you is asking the questions?
NRAMA: Excuse me?
Thor: Pardon friend Iron Man. The Armored Avenger hath been in his cups all morning.
Iron Man: That’s a lie! I started last night. Nothing says Thanksgiving like Wild Turkey!
Wasp: Oh boy.
NRAMA: Riiiight. How about we start with the basics: what does Thanksgiving mean to you?
Thor: In Asgard, we had not this Thanksgiving. But there was much feasting and wenching. The feasting reminds me much of Asgard, and happily. The Odinson doth regret the decided lack of wenching.
Hulk: Hulk not understand half of what Blondie says.
Iron Man: He likes food and [expletive deleted].
Wasp: Tony!
Hulk: When Shellhead says [expletive deleted], does he mean Tigra?
Wasp: Mooooving on . . . Thanksgiving to me means a time for friends, family and really outstanding sales on Friday.
Hank Pym: Consequently, to me, Thanksgiving means a marked increase in finance charges.
Iron Man: Those must seem like, I don’t know, a slap in the face?
Hank Pym: That’s not cool, Tony.
Wasp: What’s he talking about?
Iron Man: Wait a minute . . . Jan, what year is it?
Wasp: 1964. Why?
Captain America: Hank!
Hank Pym: You said I could use the time machine!
Hawkeye: Hey, I picked up Natasha. Bobbi’s finishing a pie. Did the party start yet?
Wasp: VILLIANS!!
Black Widow: Ow! Why the hell is she shooting at me?
Hank Pym: Jan! It’s okay! They’re good guys now!
Wasp: What do you mean “now”?
Captain America: Hank, go send her back.
Hank Pym: Oh, all right. Come on, Jan.
Hawkeye: Time machine, huh? Anyway. Hey, reporter guy. Got any questions for me?
NRAMA: Sure do. If the Secret Skrull Invasion didn’t start until years after Mockingbird died at the hands of Mephisto, and we’re supposed to think that the Mockingbird that died was a Skrull, then why was Mockingbird replaced by a Skrull in the first place?
Hawkeye: Guys, might have to wait on that pie. Later!
Black Widow: I’ll go, too. There might be gunplay.
NRAMA: I’ve really lost control here . . . uh, Iron Man? How about you? What does Thanksgiving mean to you?
Iron Man: As a child, Thanksgiving probably meant what it means to every normal American boy. Sneaking bottles from the liquor cabinet while my emotionally unavailable father worked and my butler made me turkey sandwiches.
NRAMA: I’m not sure that’s the typical experience . . .
Iron Man: Yeah? Call Batman. Or Moon Knight!
Wasp: We’re back!
Captain America: Hank . . .
Hank Pym: Jan, what year is it?
Wasp: It’s November, 2003.
Hank Pym: Better?
Captain America: Fine.
NRAMA: All right, let’s shift gears. What’s everyone thankful for?
Thor: The Odinson is thankful for comrades, fine food, and victory in battle.
Hulk: Hulk thankful for flowers and puppies. Hulk also thankful that puny Banner miss party. More yams for Hulk.
NRAMA: So, Cap, how about you? What are you thankful for?
Iron Man: Proposition 8?
Captain America: That’s not funny! Or true! I believe in the rights of all Americans to be happy.
Wasp: Or miserable . . .
Captain America: As they can be. And so I’m thankful for freedom, democracy, and the foundation of our great country. Hank?
Hank Pym: I’m thankful to be Scientist Supreme.
Iron Man: (LOL)
Hank Pym: Stop laughing!
Thor: Verily, friend Iron Man. ‘Tis rude to mock yon friend . . . Reed Richards.
Iron Man, Thor, and Wasp: (LULZ)
Hank Pym: I am, too! Eternity told me!
Hulk: Hulk believe Hank.
Hank Pym: Oh, great. The only one on my side is the big green dope.
(The recording is fuzzy here, but our reporter on the scene verifies that Hulk backhanded Hank Pym into unconsciousness, making a noise that sounded vaguely like “BiiiiiiiiiiitchSLAPPPPP!!”)
Hulk: Hulk go watch football now.
Luke Cage: Holy crap! Did Hulk just knock out Hank?
Captain America: Hank called him a dope.
Luke Cage: Good work, “Scientist Supreme”.
(Much laughter)
NRAMA: Mr. Cage, what are you thankful for?
Luke Cage: Well, I’m thankful for my baby girl, Jess, and, oh hell, I guess Fist, too.
Iron Man: Do you like Thanksgiving?
Luke Cage: Sure I do.
Iron Man: Would you say that it’s a . . . Sweet Thanksgiving?
(The recording again gets fuzzy, interrupted as it is by a large clanging sound.)
Luke Cage: Damn. That s#!+ hurts your knuckles.
Thor: Mayhap Tony will sleep it off.
Spider-Man: Sorry I’m . . . damn! What happened?
NRAMA: The Hulk knocked out Hank Pym, and Luke Cage knocked out Iron Man.
Spider-Man: Hey, I remember you! You’re the guy that told me some bulls#!+ story about me and Mephisto.
Wasp: Oh boy.
Spider-Man: Yeah, he . . . dammit! Why is everybody looking down again?!?!
Wasp: Come on, Pete. Let’s get some food.
Spider-Man: Seriously, I wish they’d quit doing that.
Captain America: Sorry to wrap this up, but we have more guests arriving and need to get going.
NRAMA: I understand, Cap. Thanks again.
Thor: Would the erstwhile reporter like to stay for the feast?
Wasp: HEY! WHY THE HELL IS THERE A STATUE OF ME ON THE LAWN?!?!
NRAMA: You know what? I’ll try my chances at home.
Captain America: No problem, son. Keep ‘em flying.
NRAMA: Thanks, Cap.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
HILARIOUS
November 19th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
“Thor: Verily, friend Iron Man. ‘Tis rude to mock yon friend . . . Reed Richards.”
That was the best part.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I guess there are holes in my knowledge of internet shorthand: what does LULZ stand for?
November 19th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Seriously, not enough catty-ness. In both sense of the words. Tigra and Jocasta needed to make an appearance to really ramp up the awkardness for the new Scientist Supreme.
November 19th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
“BiiiitttttcccchhhhSSSLLLAAAPPP!!!’ that is some funny shit. can’t wait to see the others, plus any christmas ones you come up with.
November 19th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
So, if Hank is the scientist supreme and Dr. Strange/Dr. Voodoo is the sorcerer supreme, does that make Squirrel Girl Eternity’s butt kicker supreme?
November 19th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Sadly this was the best Avengers tale i’ve read in years.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
The Ultimates are thankful for the fact that Jeph Loeb isn’t writing them anymore.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:49 am
lol loved how iron man seemed to have gotten into some special thanksgiving stuff. and hulk acting like everyone him was from another planet. and loved thor saying not mock your friends plus iron man having to explain to the hulk that the thor likes food and a doing certain things of a certain nature with the opposite sex. bringing up tigra as a slut
November 20th, 2009 at 2:08 am
Another great one. Keep ‘em comin’.
You should do one with the Hulk and his rather extensive (and disfunctional) family. Therein lies a Christmas special to warm one’s heart. You’d have Thundra trying to explain to Caiera how he only gave the Hulk the tongue. Monica Rappaccini looking for the nearest window to jump out of and Scorpion trying desperately not to get stepped on. Or eaten.
November 20th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Well-crafted once again. As Cap said, keep ‘em flying… the jokes, that is.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Wait… stating politely and without malice that this “wasn’t bad, but that Robert Lamb did the shtick better back on ScoopThis” did NOT make it through the moderation queue?
Wow. Just wow, Troy. I thought you bigger than that.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Nov 2003…LOL!
November 20th, 2009 at 10:24 am
@Anal Surprise
Not sure what you’re talking about.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:24 am
And here I thought Slott was the frustrated stand up comic of comic books….
November 20th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
LMAO at Wasp looking outside and asking bout the statue…almost forgot she died…
November 20th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Goodstuff…in need a DEADPOOL version!!!!!!!!
November 22nd, 2009 at 3:07 am
thanks for the Cap dig against Prop H8.
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Please…everyone knows Stark drinks Jack Daniels. It the only demon he keeps in his bottles…
November 24th, 2009 at 7:28 am
I think a Deadpool version would have to explode some mind, but it would be very much appreciated by his fans. For now, I have to say that Iron Man was my favorite part of this particular interview. Especially in the beginning, what with the Wild Turkey and the whole “wenching” side conversation. Oh Iron Man, just like in Twisted Toyfare Theatre, you never cease to keep a smile on my face.