Today saw the release of the DVD for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, the much-maligned summer blockbuster based on the enduring Hasbro toy line. I resisted seeing this when it was in theaters over the summer because the previews made it look like baby vomit, and I had no desire to spend ten bucks and a couple of hours in a movie theater to have my intelligence insulted, no matter how desperate I was for air-conditioning. Thank goodness for Redbox, because I only had to pay $1 to have my intelligence insulted in the comfort of my own home.
Actually, I didn’t think G.I. Joe was really all that bad. Don’t get me wrong, it was still a lousy film, it just wasn’t the crime against humanity I was expecting it would be. It helped a bit that I didn’t go in to the movie expecting to see the G.I. Joe from my childhood. Director Stephen Sommers and crew aren’t interested in that G.I. Joe, they would prefer to create a G.I. Joe for the new generation. And that’s fine, and in that sense, they’ve mostly succeeded. I can see kids going street rat crazy for the movie, what with the nonstop violence, copious amounts of explosions, not-very-funny one-liners and hot ninja-on-ninja action.
There were a few things about the movie that I enjoyed. (Spoiler alert, activate!) For the most part, the cast was excellent, particularly Sienna Miller as the Baroness and Christopher Eccleston as James McCullen/Destro. Miller seems to be having a blast with her role, and Eccleston oozes douchebaggery. Also bringing the awesomeness is Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Rex/The Doctor/Cobra Commander, an inspired bit of quasi-stuntcasting that works better than it sounds like it should.
There are also some killer geek-out moments, mostly due to the presence of Storm Shadow and Snake-eyes. Is it wrong that I liked watching Lil’ Storm Shadow and Lil’ Snake-eyes wail on each other during the origin flashbacks more than I liked watching the grown-ups fight? Probably, but there you go.
Of course, The Rise of Cobra has plenty of faults. The special effects can be impressive at times, but after a two hour barrage of one effect after another, I’m surprised my eyeballs weren’t completely numb. Every frame of the movie looked soulless and fake.
I know that summer blockbusters generally require a healthy suspension of disbelief on the part of the viewer in order to work, but Ye Gods those Accelerator suits Duke and Ripcord use during the Paris chase scene are ridiculous. Wouldn’t their bodies have been ground to powder after about five seconds of running around the streets in those things? Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but the total suspension of the laws of physics is another.
Speaking of Duke and Ripcord, they’re my biggest problem with The Rise of Cobra. Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans are awful, and since they’re the main Joes, that’s a huge problem. The script tries to cast them as the typical buddy action flick leads, but the lack of chemistry between Wayans and Tatum torpedoes that idea. Wayans tries to be funny but comes off looking like a tool more often than not thanks to very unfunny dialogue, and Tatum is simply not a very good actor.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra pulled in a modest $150 million domestically, good enough to earn a green light for a sequel. If Sommers can iron out a few kinks in the first film’s formula, he may have something worth watching for the sequel.
November 4th, 2009 at 8:31 am
If you had watched it a couple of weeks after Bayformers 2, it would seem better. I am 100% in agreement that the next movie needs to have less Duke and Ripcord budy moments.
It took years for the G.I. Joe comic books to have as many soap-operaish back stories between the Joes and the Cobras as they did in this movie. It felt like watching as the World Turns or reading a ’90′s X-men comic book. I hope they don’t feel inspired to have any more of that in the sequel.
November 4th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
You are correct in your assessment that kids are “street rat crazy” for the film. I saw it with my daughter and nephew, both in their mid-teens. While I felt assaulted by the end of the film, they both LOVED it for the ridiculous over the top thrill ride that it was.
November 4th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
“what with the nonstop violence, copious amounts of explosions, not-very-funny one-liners and hot ninja-on-ninja action.”
doesn’t this pretty much describe the tv show too.
gi joe was a silly but fun action cartoon. gi joe the movie is a silly but fun- action movie.
were the suits ridiculous? yes. but to comment on them being unrealistic is uncalled for considering the characters did much more impossible things in the cartoon.(everyone shot lasers and missiles at each other but no-one ever died, lol even when duke is stabbed in the heart. he survives.) and let’s not forget cobra-la.
i can understand people getting upset over TF 2, due to bay pushing the silliness and over the top aspects well past the max. but this movie was pretty much done in the same vein of the the old cartoon.
gi joe resolute actually strays more away from the tone of the original series and is rather dark. but is still the best re-imagining of the franchise since it combines elements from the show and the comics.
now if you were comparing it the old comic line then yeah the movie was a little light hearted.
November 5th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I enjoyed the film. Mostly cause I went in under the assumption it would be terrible, yet funny – and it exceeded all of my expectations.
However to even suggest that Christopher Eccleston was good in that film is a proverbial kick in the nuts. I am amazed that a fellow an Englishman can give one of the worst Scottish accents I’ve ever heard in cinema (hell even Mike Myers did a better job). It was clearly scottish, but exaggerated beyond belief. Coupled with Simon Peggs ‘is that really Scottish?’ accent in Star Trek, we scots have had a rough summer.
Oh and the voice commanded stealth plane that only uses Celtic phrases. The laughs that received (in a Scottish cinema) were deafening. Not because it was funny, but because it was so ridiculous there was nothing else you could do. Gaelic? Could maybe buy that. But Celtic?
Kudos to Brendan Fraser. Best bit about the whole film.
November 5th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I meant to say “I am amazed that an Englishman…”
Changed my mind mid-sentence.