Cash for a clunker? Joss Whedon seems to think so.
With tongue obviously in cheek, Whedon drafted an open letter to… well, the Terminator owners, offering $10,000 — that’s right $10,000 — to buy the franchise and, well, bring it up to snuff. Here’s some highlights from Whedonesque:
1) Terminator… of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far… back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? “Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!” RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he’s a cyborg and he doesn’t give a s#&% about the ring — it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he’s doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).
2) More Glau. Hey. There’s a reason they’re called “Summer” movies.
3) Can you say… musical? Well don’t. Even I know that’s an awful idea.
4) Christian Bale’s John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)
Of course, this is definitely a gag — Whedon told Entertainment Weekly “mostly, it’s just me being a dumb-ass, because that seems to be what I do best — I’m not even very good at that. So, no, I do not think they’re going to call me and say ‘Congratulations! We’ll have that $10,000 now.’” But still — what do you think a Joss Whedon Terminator franchise would look like? What do you want to see changed in the films and television shows? Let us know!
[Too much time Photoshopping done by yours truly]
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:04 am
Ok, here’s your photoshopping skillz competition:
http://www.thenerdybird.com/2009/11/whedonator.html
Honestly, I think he shouldn’t come 1000 feet from the franchise, and that’s coming from a fan.
As far as the movies go, I think more John Connor is in order. Salvation was ok but I felt like he was barely in it and he’s the one I wanted to see fighting the war.
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:45 am
Better question: What would a Joss-written “Dick & Damien, Steph and Babs” film be like?
November 3rd, 2009 at 5:12 am
Douche chills.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
“Better question: What would a Joss-written “Dick & Damien, Steph and Babs” film be like?”
1. Stay on topic please.
2. Anything Joss would do HAS to be better than the last film. (disappointing and crappy… oh so crappy) That said there are better options just because Joss’s style may conflict with established Terminator mythos.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:21 am
If the future of the Terminator franchise/story is to flesh out the universe and add depth, then Joss is the right guy for the job. Personally, I don’t see a reason to go beyond the first two movies, as the second movie ends so well, but I also quite enjoy post-apocalyptic killer robots and explosions.
James Cameron has moved on, so really, who would you rather see carry the franchise now- McG or Joss Whedon?
(full disclosure: I haven’t seen the new one, I’m waiting to see if Rifftrax does a commentary for it.)
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:25 am
I love Joss Whedon, but I would rather see more projects from him in the vein of Dr. Horrible than these kind of attention getting spots. Also, could someone please hire an Information Security consultant for the set of Dollhouse. You know, someone who would have the brains to let the writers know that its probably a good idea to have employees lock their computer screens and restrict access to the server rooms. I mean seriously, why is just anyone allowed to wander into the room where actives are imprinted?
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:37 am
I’d pay 10 grand for the Terminator franchise if only so that it could be LEFT ALONE and no more crappy sequels would be made.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:39 am
Sold!
Just because i know he’d bring The Sarah Connor Chronicles back.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:50 am
Yes, Whedon needs to make fun of the Batman films…like anything he’s ever done has been that successful. Why don’t you worry about “Dollhouse,” Mister Whedon? That show will need all the help it can get.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:52 am
Here’s a better idea…why doesn’t Whedon focus on salvaging his own franchises!!! Buffy? Angel? Sure the comics are a great outlet to continuing stories but why not go back and revisit those ideas for TV Movie of Week for Angel or Spike and what about Buffy animated?
And yes I’ll ask…what about a Buffy big screen flick?!!
Forget Terminator, you tried your hand at Wonder Woman and based on the comments you made and overall ideas I read I’m glad it didn’t move forward…Terminator isn’t your toybox, The Whedonverse IS!
PS…Dollhouse…no…sorry, just no…Eliza, love her, wrong choice for the role and the concept started off too flimsy and is taking too long to gel. Let, it, go!
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:58 am
Joss Whedon is hideously overrated by his fanbase.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:18 am
$10.00 for the buffy franchise, the only good thing this fool has done.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:22 am
Man, why didn’t he just blog “McG sucks!” while he was at it?
and why him playing around news? Let’s give gim attention when he does something more valid than joke-blogs
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:30 am
Perhaps all the people who like Dollhouse could club together and donate a dollar.
Then all Joss would have to do is find another $9987 from somewhere, and he’d be set.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:45 am
I say time to let the terminator rest.
Josh is a man of ideas, time to hit us with new ones is all .
that said, looking forward to the John Cassady directed episode of dollhouse.
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:51 am
The guy who didn’t want to cast Charisma Carpenter as Wonder Woman even though he worked with her on Buffy???? Man I love Buffy Season Eight and Whedon’s work, but NO JUST NO… If he’s that blind to not pick her for WW at the drop of a dime than I don’t know what to tell you… Maybe he’d cast Jack Black as Connor. You crazy Whedon son. CRAZY!!!
The entire Terminator franchise is fine to me, doesn’t need Whedon. Whedon needs to focus on bringing Cordelia back to life, un-lesbifying Willow, giving Xander his eye back and hooking up Xander and Willow MAAAAAAANG!!!!!! Since he won’t do none of the above LOL then just keep giving me great stuff like having giant female goddesses wreaking havok in the Buffy Season Eight comic YEP YEP!
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:02 am
Josh?
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Greatest…Marvel Comics Writer…EVER!!!
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:20 am
There are too many nellies posting on this thread. He’s not really mocking the Batman franchise, for the posters implying he was… He may be making a mild gag about Bale’s Batman voice. Which, frankly, is not only deserved, but something a lot of people who love the movies find wrong with the films. Bale’s not a great Batman. He’s a good Bruce Wayne and an okay Batman in well made films.
For poster ‘Greg’: Alan was entirely on topic.
FInally, how many of you that are all worked up into a tizzy don’t get that this was a joke? That Joss spent maybe ten or fifteen minutes of his day making a joke? I know, it’s so much more time consuming than sitting online writing bitchy posts all day…
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
Whedon is a pandering douche but I’m sure his fans think this was hilarious. Just like they don’t acknowledge how cheesy Buffy was.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:43 am
It’s a JOKE. Lighten up already. Good grief.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:58 am
this was really funny and I laughed. i can’t believe how many knuckleheads are getting worked up over this. you guys need to take a deep breath and lie down for a while.
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Ya, it was a joke and people are responding to that joke how they see fit,Lighten up already. Good grief
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
It’s not that we’re getting worked up, it’s irritating to see talented guuy post some B.S. like this while’s definitely had misteps of his own. He has the talent AND position to do some really cool stuff and not waste his time trying to generate fan buzz in such a stupid manner.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
“PS…Dollhouse…no…sorry, just no…Eliza, love her, wrong choice for the role and the concept started off too flimsy and is taking too long to gel. Let, it, go!”
Let’s make a show based on a bunch of women and men having their minds wiped and being used as playthings for the rich and powerful, then call everyone with the good taste not to watch idiots (that’s the fanbase, not the creator).
Yeah, there’s a winner there.
Clearly he’s still bitter about the studio execs wisely turning down his Batman movie idea and going with Nolan.
What a clusterfuck they’d have been. Instead of two of the best films of the past decade, they’d be cheesy garbage with Fillion, Glau, and Tudyk doing their usual camera gurning and Batman being more slapstick than Charlie Chaplin.
As for Terminator, I shudder to think what he’d do to a great action franchise.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Not be an an a-hole, but what was the point of this “article”? Are there really no other better stories? Me thinks Newsarama needs to dig a little deeper…Also, Joss has a dedicated following but it is alot smaller than people think…his movies have never done really well and Dollhouse is currently doing a death rattle. If I were him, I’d take a bath, put on a clean pair of jeans and comb my “hair” and prepare myself for life as an adult.
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:27 pm
A Joss Whedon Terminator would be utterly horrible because Joss Whedon is utterly talentless for anything above entry-level boom operator.
But hey, at least he can write a good X-Men comic!
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I agree with Aaron Poehler, so at least I’m not the only one thinking it. Whedon is overrated, big-time. Not saying he’s bad, but I guess I don’t quite “get” why so many people drool over his tv shows, movies, and comic work. In my opinion, I can think of several works in all three mediums that far surpass anything Whedon has done. That being said…Whedon shouldn’t do a Terminator movie or show or anything.
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Charlie Hustle has a good point…though I don’t know enough about Whedon to call him a “pandering douche”, but I’m sure his dedicated fans “LOL”ed about this non-stop and Buffy IS extremely cheesy.
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:53 pm
The more interesting question is, What sort of ideas could Joss come up with for Wonder Woman if he’d had a shot at THAT franchise?
November 3rd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
@TruGrit
What’s the point of any article? This blog post, as opposed to a full-blown article, was about a moment of diversion that’s well within our sphere.
And yes, while Whedon had a couple of poorly performing films, he was a writer on “Toy Story”, nabbed award recogniton for “Dr. Horrible”, had seven years of “Buffy”, five years of “Angel”, and huge DVD sales on both of those plus “Firefly”. That’s not to mention the success of the current “Buffy” comic or the fact that, yes, while not doing gangbusters, “Dollhouse” pulled two seasons.
Your adult “joke” is patently ridiculous, as it’s obvious that he’s successful, whether you like him or not.
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Not to mention he was a writer for Roseanne and of course THAT wasn’t successful. AND wrote a very well-received run on X-Men. He’s had more success than most posters here. What a loser!
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
“He may be making a mild gag about Bale’s Batman voice. Which, frankly, is not only deserved, but something a lot of people who love the movies find wrong with the films.”
WRONG… I don’t understand the problem people have with the Bale “Bat-voice.” People didn’t have a problem with Kevin Conryoy’s voice in the animated shows. He softened the rough edges a bit by the time Justice League came along, but go back and watch the first seasons of Batman: TAS. A similar deep, rough, gravelly voice.
Further, there has been precedence in the comics. Sure, youy can’t hear a voice there, but it has been implied at times. I can’t think of a example right off the top of my head, aside from Dick Grayson mentioning the “Clint Eastwood voice” in an All-Star B&R book (not a great example, I know), but I know it has been implied in the past.
Finally, if you’re going around as a giant bat and trying to scare people you’re probably not going to use your everyday voice. You might also want to try to disguise it if you want to keep that identity a secret. A deepy, growly voice is pretty much the best bet. What would have Bale, or any other actor do instead? Personally, I had a total geek-gasm the first time I saw Batman Begins and Bale growled “SWEAR TO ME!!!” I thought “Goddamn… They FINALLY got Batman right!!” I loved it, and I still do.
“Bale’s not a great Batman. He’s a good Bruce Wayne and an okay Batman in well made films.”
Wrong again… Aside from Kevin Conroy perhaps, and all he’s using is his exceptionally gifted voice, who else would say is a “great” Batman then? Keaton? He didn’t look or act a bit like Bruce Wayne, and when he first said “I’m Batman” I found it laughable. Kilmed did nothing to distinguish himself in the role (either Bats or Bruce), and while I think Clooney SHOULD have been a great Batman he was saddled one of the worst scripts in movie history.
Bale gets it, and he’s easily the best live action Batman ever. I might even dare say he’s better than Conroy (with all due respect to Kevin’s excellent work), simply because he’s not just doing voice work. As both Bruce and Bats, Bale has pretty been exactly as I always wanted Batman to be on the big screen.
Yes, he’s had great material to work with. But he also had to carry Batman Begins as (for once) the villain didn’t overshadow Batman in a movie. If that film hadn’t worked, there wouldn’t have been The Dark Knight. As it is, Bale held his own with Ledger, not to mention an incredible cast of actors in BOTH Bat-movies thus far. I eagerly await the next film.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
I think the point that a lot of posters are wanting to make is that it comes off as petulant and unseemly for a creator with as much talent and acclaim as Whedon to take public potshots at beloved franchises that have at times had missteps. That kind of behavior is the realm of lesser men who can’t create and thus simply criticize. I think we would all much prefer that Whedon focused his energies on continuing to improve his own franchises.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
It’s so funny how some of you claim he is unsuccessful or over rated, I eagerly await to see the gross your future films and tv series generate and the fan bases you amass. Oh that’s right those who can’t do critique, carry on…
November 4th, 2009 at 1:49 am
I believe the point of the article was to bring out discussion around a Whedon handled Terminator film franchise, Mr. Whedon’s rather childish prank notwithstanding.
I personally would rather not see that. I liked Buffy, enjoyed Angel and think that ASXM was amazing (aside from the “Danger” arc), but Terminator? No thanks. Ditto on Lord of the Rings.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:01 am
Let him buy it for USD$10K. It’s worth it.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:42 am
To Jamie’s comment above…
I can’t comment for anyone that said Whedon was “unsuccessful”, because I only stated that he was overrated. I don’t doubt his success at all…but in my opinion, yes, very overrated. Sure, his stuff does well, by either money standards or gaining that cult following. But you can still have all that success and be overrated. To look at it another way, I would say that Britney Spears is a prime example of this.
Just because someone’s name can be plastered on numerous entertainment magazines and blogs, and they’ve been lucky enough to find a major company (be it comic, movie, television, music, etc) to publish and promote their product, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t dozens…or even hundreds…of others out there whose stuff is better. I look at Whedon this way…yeah, he’s got success, he’s been extremely lucky, he’s worked hard, and he has a loyal fanbase. I can’t fault him for that. But at the same time, I’ve discovered many more people who write better, more original stories and maybe one day, they will have that same amount of success. Therefore, his work is overrated, in my opinion.
It’s all just a matter of opinion…
November 4th, 2009 at 7:40 am
I just wanted to chime in and say that I can’t stand it when posters counter arguments with: “yeah, well, when YOU’RE movies make it big…”; not doing the work doesn’t prevent people from having a valid opinion of their own.
I mean, no one ever says that to people on the opposite end:
“Oh you enjoy Whedon because you think his work is spectacular? I didn’t know that you spent years as a writer/director/etc so you know quality work when you see it!”.
So let everyone have their opinion. @$$.
November 4th, 2009 at 10:06 am
man i just wish the sarah connor chronicles could continue. it was the best thing to happen to terminator.
November 4th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
The Terminator franchise could do a lot worse than to have Whedon as director and creative force behind it. While I don’t think Whedon’s style would mesh well with Terminator, the last two films in the franchise have been so terrible that I’m willing to try anything different.
Although my ideal director for the next Terminator film would have to be Sam Raimi. At the very least, we’ll get a fun film.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:07 am
A Joss Whedon Terminator project? I’d watch it.
What I think he’d do really well is to examine Sarah Connor in the time period between the first movie and T2, showing Sarah’s transformation from normal person to badass.
Of course, that would likely mean no actual sci-fi element, just the looming threat of eventual war. Still, he could do it. And if he turned it into a modern-day (well, 20 years ago “modern”-day) Lone Wolf & Cub… that would be all right by me.
–Carl.
November 5th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I think everything is better with Joss. Everything. I don’t care one way or the other for Terminator, and my favorite Batmans are the old shows with Adam West. So that sort of disqualifies any opinion I may have on those subjects.
I only wish that those who have dubbed Buffy as “cheesy” would step back and have the same realization. Buffy isn’t cheesy, it’s punny. There’s a difference. Buffy and Angel were both intelligently written shows with huge fanbases. Joss’ plot development and characterization were as close to perfect as you can get for a non-cable t.v. show about vampires.
He’s a talented dude with a knack for syntax. If he’s not your particular cup of coffee that’s just gravy, but he’s proven his writing prowess time and again. It’s a funny joke made by a funny guy. Roll with it.
November 6th, 2009 at 2:52 am
Terminator should have been ended with the second film. The message of that film was so strong and that film was so well made it didn’t need a sequel.
The third and forth movies just contradict this message.
Joss Whedon= GREAT character writer. Don’t get a lot of those in television.
December 27th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
I know I’m commenting late but I’d love to see joss working on the terminator universe if only to give fans of Terminator sarah connor chronicles a ending of some sort and to keep McG away from the terminator series that said mcg didn’t do nearly as horrible of a job as I was expecting with terminator salvation.