He’s a hard man to find. And occasionally, a harder man to talk to. He’s the Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight Detective, the owner of the Hammers of Justice . . . he . . . is . . . BATMAN. And he’s the last interview that we have in our series of iconic heroes commenting on the costumes based on their images. This time, we had to expand out a bit, as Batman’s partners and rogues gallery has inspired a fair field of costuming. We met atop a wind-swept rooftop in Gotham, pictures in hand, to find out what The Batman thinks.
NRAMA: Thanks again for meeting.
Batman: Keep it short. Crime is impatient, and justice doesn’t like to wait.
NRAMA: Wouldn’t that make them both impatient?
Batman: . . .
NRAMA: Nevermind. How about we start with your enemies?
Batman: Ivy’s a tortured soul. Driven by a love of the flora that precludes her emotional attachment to humanity, she’s frequently as dangerous as she is beautiful. We must be careful, chum. To gaze too long at that flower is to, perhaps, gaze into the abyss itself.
NRAMA: That’s, uh, interesting, Batman. What about the costume?
Batman: She definitely works it, my friend.
NRAMA: Right . . . um, this one?
Batman: Harleen Quinzel, blinded by a frequently unrequieted love to an unrepentant madman. For all the good that she could do for society, she finds herself compromised by that unknowable instrument beyond even the reach of science: the human heart.
NRAMA: AND . . .the costume?
Batman: Hm? Oh, yes. Not bad.
Batman: Darwyn Cooke . . . is a good man.
NRAMA: I like his work.
Batman: As you know, old friend, my relationship with Catwoman is . . . complicated. Would this were a different world . . . a different time . . . who KNOWS what might have become of our story. As it is, we’re forever at cross-purposes . . . two points on a line that will never fully meet.
Batman: Like the zipper, too.
Batman: While I find it . . . sad . . . that people elect to dress themselves as the Clown Prince of Crime, I do take one small measure of comfort for the people of Gotham.
NRAMA: Which is?
Batman: Wayne Enterprises owns the copyright on the image, allowing good to be done in the Joker’s name.
NRAMA: Wait, so yo—er, Wayne owns the Joker’s look?
Batman: Not just the Joker.
NRAMA: All of your enemies?
Batman: Every costumed criminal that has appeared in public since 1938. Most of the heroes too.
Batman: Not the new Manhunter.
NRAMA: Heh. She’s a lawyer.
Batman: For some reason, my company has trouble with them.
NRAMA: All right, then . . . how about you?
Batman: Ah yes. It truly does make one long for . . . simpler times. The world was brighter then, chum. Schemes turned on giant typewriters and large reproductions of coins. Today, the villains are a murderous lot that create unkind photos of your mother.
NRAMA: And the outfit?
Batman: I would hope that the message gets through to the young people. That justice should be preserved. That truth should win out. That Batman is a complex character capable of being intrepeted in various styles.
Batman: Intriguing. An animated color scheme punctuated by a profound lack of gloves.
Batman: While not entirely accurate to either my person or the films, it does indeed serve its purpose.
NRAMA: That being?
Batman: Bank, chum. Mad bank.
NRAMA: Well, now, Batman. I’d like to wrap up with a few pictures of your allies.
Batman: Yes, allies. While a crusader’s life is a lonely existence, it does make the weight easier to bear when you surround yourself with . . .
NRAMA: A veritable army of impressionable young people willing to die in your name?
Batman: I was going to say “a surrogate family”.
Batman: The Canine Crusader. Infinitely underestimated, and infinitely missed.
NRAMA: Batman . . . Whatever Happened to the Canine Crusader?
Batman (whispering): Good night, Ace. Good night, Batmobile jet turbine with an unfortunately lengthy flaming contrail.
NRAMA: Uh, Batman?
Batman: Steady, Robin. Steady.
NRAMA: Oooohhhhhkay . . .
Batman: Strange . . . an amalgam of all of my female allies, blended together with a bent toward . . . slightly dangerous sex appeal.
NRAMA: Which parts do you like?
Batman: That’s a bit personal.
NRAMA: Of the costume.
Batman: Oh, certainly. While it’s not particularly practical, I find the skirt . . .
NRAMA: Functional for high-kicking?
Batman: Somewhat hot.
Batman: Indeed, Moms and Dads. Raise them right, and they’ll stand by your side in the name of justice.
NRAMA: Does it bother you to see a Robin that young?
Batman: Once you’ve placed a ten-year-old in front of heavy gunfire, seeing a toddler in costume doesn’t really ring your parental alarms.
NRAMA: Right. Now then, one more . . .
Batman: . . .
Batman: I just erected a trophy case in my pants.
NRAMA: And we can’t follow that. Thanks for reading everybody! The response has been tremendous, and we’re glad you’ve had a good time. Happy Halloween!