He’s a hard man to find. And occasionally, a harder man to talk to. He’s the Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight Detective, the owner of the Hammers of Justice . . . he . . . is . . . BATMAN. And he’s the last interview that we have in our series of iconic heroes commenting on the costumes based on their images. This time, we had to expand out a bit, as Batman’s partners and rogues gallery has inspired a fair field of costuming. We met atop a wind-swept rooftop in Gotham, pictures in hand, to find out what The Batman thinks.
NRAMA: Thanks again for meeting.
Batman: Keep it short. Crime is impatient, and justice doesn’t like to wait.
NRAMA: Wouldn’t that make them both impatient?
Batman: . . .
NRAMA: Nevermind. How about we start with your enemies?
Batman: Ivy’s a tortured soul. Driven by a love of the flora that precludes her emotional attachment to humanity, she’s frequently as dangerous as she is beautiful. We must be careful, chum. To gaze too long at that flower is to, perhaps, gaze into the abyss itself.
NRAMA: That’s, uh, interesting, Batman. What about the costume?
Batman: She definitely works it, my friend.
NRAMA: Right . . . um, this one?
Batman: Harleen Quinzel, blinded by a frequently unrequieted love to an unrepentant madman. For all the good that she could do for society, she finds herself compromised by that unknowable instrument beyond even the reach of science: the human heart.
NRAMA: AND . . .the costume?
Batman: Hm? Oh, yes. Not bad.
Batman: Darwyn Cooke . . . is a good man.
NRAMA: I like his work.
Batman: As you know, old friend, my relationship with Catwoman is . . . complicated. Would this were a different world . . . a different time . . . who KNOWS what might have become of our story. As it is, we’re forever at cross-purposes . . . two points on a line that will never fully meet.
NRAMA: Wow.
Batman: Like the zipper, too.
Batman: While I find it . . . sad . . . that people elect to dress themselves as the Clown Prince of Crime, I do take one small measure of comfort for the people of Gotham.
NRAMA: Which is?
Batman: Wayne Enterprises owns the copyright on the image, allowing good to be done in the Joker’s name.
NRAMA: Wait, so yo—er, Wayne owns the Joker’s look?
Batman: Not just the Joker.
NRAMA: All of your enemies?
Batman: Every costumed criminal that has appeared in public since 1938. Most of the heroes too.
NRAMA: Most?
Batman: Not the new Manhunter.
NRAMA: Heh. She’s a lawyer.
Batman: For some reason, my company has trouble with them.
NRAMA: All right, then . . . how about you?
Batman: Ah yes. It truly does make one long for . . . simpler times. The world was brighter then, chum. Schemes turned on giant typewriters and large reproductions of coins. Today, the villains are a murderous lot that create unkind photos of your mother.
NRAMA: And the outfit?
Batman: I would hope that the message gets through to the young people. That justice should be preserved. That truth should win out. That Batman is a complex character capable of being intrepeted in various styles.
NRAMA: Noted.
Batman: Intriguing. An animated color scheme punctuated by a profound lack of gloves.
Batman: Better.
Batman: While not entirely accurate to either my person or the films, it does indeed serve its purpose.
NRAMA: That being?
Batman: Bank, chum. Mad bank.
NRAMA: Well, now, Batman. I’d like to wrap up with a few pictures of your allies.
Batman: Yes, allies. While a crusader’s life is a lonely existence, it does make the weight easier to bear when you surround yourself with . . .
NRAMA: A veritable army of impressionable young people willing to die in your name?
Batman: I was going to say “a surrogate family”.
Batman: *sniff*
NRAMA: Batman?
Batman: The Canine Crusader. Infinitely underestimated, and infinitely missed.
NRAMA: Batman . . . Whatever Happened to the Canine Crusader?
Batman (whispering): Good night, Ace. Good night, Batmobile jet turbine with an unfortunately lengthy flaming contrail.
NRAMA: Uh, Batman?
Batman: Steady, Robin. Steady.
NRAMA: Oooohhhhhkay . . .
Batman: Strange . . . an amalgam of all of my female allies, blended together with a bent toward . . . slightly dangerous sex appeal.
NRAMA: Which parts do you like?
Batman: That’s a bit personal.
NRAMA: Of the costume.
Batman: Oh, certainly. While it’s not particularly practical, I find the skirt . . .
NRAMA: Functional for high-kicking?
Batman: Somewhat hot.
Batman: Indeed, Moms and Dads. Raise them right, and they’ll stand by your side in the name of justice.
NRAMA: Does it bother you to see a Robin that young?
Batman: Once you’ve placed a ten-year-old in front of heavy gunfire, seeing a toddler in costume doesn’t really ring your parental alarms.
NRAMA: Right. Now then, one more . . .
Batman: . . .
NRAMA: Batman?
Batman: I just erected a trophy case in my pants.
NRAMA: And we can’t follow that. Thanks for reading everybody! The response has been tremendous, and we’re glad you’ve had a good time. Happy Halloween!
October 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I feel the same way, Batman, I feel the same way..
October 30th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
“two points on a line that will never fully meet.”
What? Batman’s just talking nonsense now. “Mad Bank” was funny though.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I have friends who costumed as Harvey and Ivy at Lunacon a few years ago. Their homemade costumes were nicer.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I’m so torn between Poison Ivy, Cat-woman, and the female Robin.
Hell, I’m not picky, I’d take ‘em all.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Great love these though felt like we were talking to the Batman of the Brave and Bold series.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
To the stipper-pole..erm…the BAT-pole, I meant the Bat-Pole!
October 30th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I don’t get this at all. I’m not trolling or whatever here, I’m genuinely asking: what’s the point of this? It’s not very funny. In fact, it’s pretty juvenile. That kind of “Hurf durf, Batman has a boner” stuff– what exactly is it that this is supposed to bring to Newsarama and Blog@?
October 30th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
“Batman: While not entirely accurate to either my person or the films, it does indeed serve its purpose.”
“NRAMA: That being?”
“Batman: Bank, chum. Mad bank.”
That made me spit out my kool-aid lmao
October 30th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Defintely channeled the Adam West version of Batman a lot there, Troy.
October 30th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
These were great LOL but I would have loved an x-men one.. lol Emma’s replies would have been priceless
October 30th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Holy teen sidekicks, Batman. That female Robin can slide down my Bat-pole any day.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Fantastic exit. Always end on a high note. Well done.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
@David Brothers
The guy who said, “Newsarama was sold twice in two years? Anybody wanna buy 4thletter.net? We’ll have to lower our quality to Newsarama levels, but okay…” isn’t trolling? Okay.
If you don’t find it or the five costume pieces that proceeded it humorous, that’s fine. Other people did, and that’s fine, too. You and your friends can RT that you didn’t like, and maybe some other people will RT that they did.
There are plenty of posts on the Blog and the main site that come from a variety of angles and approaches, both humorous and serious. If it’s not your bag, that’s okay. You don’t have to begrudge those that were entertained, though.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
All the other columns in this series were pretty good, but this one was a dud. Why go with the Adam West sort of Batman when all the other characters were more in-line with current versions of the characters? The others were funny, this was just hokey, “chum.”
October 30th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
@David Brothers: Dude, lighten up! Judging from the response, this series of articles made many people crack a smile (among other things).
As for this last set… the Batgirl, Robin, and Catwoman costumes were smokin’! (No Huntress, though; what gives?)
October 30th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Seriously, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
Anyway . . . how ’bout costume places selling wheelchairs so you can be Oracle! That’d be hilarious!
October 30th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@David Brothers
You’re lame.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I found the previous entries in this series funnier also, but I’m not surprised. Batman’s a guy who’s not supposed to have a funny bone in his body, so it makes the job harder. I think that’s why we ended up hearing the Adam West “voice” here — that’s as close as one can get to a Batman with humor. In a perfect world, this would’ve come earlier in the series and we would’ve ended with the JLA one. But that’s trivial relative to the greatness of the series as a whole. Thanks again, Troy.
October 30th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
“Batman: Ivy’s a tortured soul. Driven by a love of the fauna that precludes her emotional attachment to humanity, she’s frequently as dangerous as she is beautiful…”
Fauna is animals. Flora is plants.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I found the JLA, Spider-Man and (obviously) Batman posts, but were are the other two? I don’t get to check the site as often as I’d like to.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@Troy Brownfield
No, I wasn’t trolling. If I was trolling, I’d have said something meaner, more spiteful, and not come back to see your response. I didn’t get something, so I asked a question. I’m not really sure how quoting my twitter was supposed to prove I was trolling, either– my comments about Newsarama have been, and are, public with my government name attached. I’ve also said negative things about Brian Bendis, Grant Morrison, Storm, Luke Cage, Spider-Man, and my mother’s cooking, but it hasn’t stopped me from wondering about/partaking/enjoying the occasional thing.
I’m far from a liar. Like I said in the comment, I was genuinely curious as to the point of it. It seems like something more suited to the shenanigans pulled by Maxim/IGN/Complex/G4 than Blog@.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
As someone who likes 4thletter.net and not only likes both iterations of Blog@, but counts many of the contributors amongst his friends, I’m saddened to see needless hostility.
David, I don’t think the point of any of the jokes is simply to go for “hurf durf boner”, but, in many cases, to lampoon the existence of some of the more risque costumes that don’t actually represent an existing image of a comic book character. If you look over the entirety of this running feature, it should be pretty clear that boner jokes aren’t its bread and butter.
As it stands, I know there are other bloggers out there that could have gone for the boner joke without quite the same reaction, because you’d have taken what you know of them personally to realize they weren’t just going for the “hurf durf boner” angle. For instance, if we heard a certain literate fellow on a rather highbrow comic book podcast do an impersonation that required a heavy Brooklyn accent to say “I just erected a trophy case in my pants”, I’m pretty sure we’d both laugh…and feel no guilt or fear that we were falling into the “git ‘r done” crowd.
While I’m quite familiar with the “Newsarama as lowest common denominator” opinion out there, it certainly doesn’t accurately represent Troy and many other contributors to Blog@ & the main site. The lack of lengthy dissertations on critical discourse (for example) doesn’t mean they’re incapable of producing such work, but that they’re generally programming for a different target audience.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
It pains to see hot chicks twist something like the purity of comicbooks into somwething so sexy and STILL not give me the time of day. Dammit! The irony!!!!
October 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
More proof that Newsarama is populated almost entirely by twelve year olds.
October 30th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Oh hole crap, I just read the Oracle comment! I’m gonna burn in hell for laughing- probably not the only reason, though……….
October 30th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Man, Daniel sounds hard up and frutsrated. I apologize for my levity.
What if I said “Holy Boobs, Batman!” ? That’s mature in any culture. It sounds like he’s gonna be “Dick” Grayson this year……
October 30th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
@Daniel: Yes, because only twelve year olds enjoy the occasional boner joke.
Sheesh, lighten up guys. Its just a little fluff article that suppose to be goofy.
October 30th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I like that Brothers mentioned Maxim. Robot6′s new blogger, Sean T. Collins, writes about Maxim, and they have completed avoided any mention of that.
As for what else Brothers said, I’d be more convinced that he had better intentions if he and his pals hadn’t been tweeting Troy’s line before he posted here. It’s like he was comming here to wag his finger.
October 30th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Loved these thanks guys!!
October 30th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Who the hell is David Brothers, and why should we care? These were funny, start to finish.
October 30th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Captain America, Hulk, Watchmen, and JLA were all good. Spider-Man and Batman…meh.
October 30th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
“think that’s why we ended up hearing the Adam West “voice” here — that’s as close as one can get to a Batman with humor.”
I totally heard Adam Wests’s voice when reading this. And I loved the “I just erected a trophy case in my pants” ROTFLMAO.
October 30th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
“Hurf durf, Batman has a boner”……
Bwa-ha-ha. Damn funny stuff.
October 30th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
@david brothers
Hey man, if you don’t find it funny that’s cool. If you don’t get it then an explanation won’t matter. Either something is funny or it is not, just a matter of taste.
October 30th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
I can’t believe I missed the obvious here…
“(W)hat exactly is it that this is supposed to bring to Newsarama and Blog@?”
Hits.
Thank you. Come again.
Seriously, though, this is a commercial site and if it didn’t bring in hits on the first Blog@Ween it probably wouldn’t have spawned a whole series. The hits and number of comments (overwhelmingly positive, mind you) indicate it brought something to Newsarama/Blog@ that there was a strong audience for.
October 31st, 2009 at 2:30 am
Niiiice.
Why couldn’t Stephanie graduate to look like that as the new Robin instead of the new Batgirl?
October 31st, 2009 at 4:47 am
This one was the least funny.
October 31st, 2009 at 6:03 am
I wasn’t that sure about this one until I realized he was doing Batman as Adam West. Then I thought it was pretty funny.
October 31st, 2009 at 6:52 am
Although this interview was definitely the least “in character,” and a bit disappointing given how long we waited for it and its being saved for last, I still want to say thank you for doing all of these in the days leading up to this great, albeit underappreciated, American holiday. Next to the little Firefly surprise on the Halloween episode of Castle, this was my favorite part of getting into the Halloween spirit this season. I laughed out loud on many occasions, and I hope we are treated to sequels next year.
October 31st, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Being the “leg man” I am, I really like the “sex appeal” of the Poison Ivy outfit (and model), because…she’s showing the most leg (and what a nice pair she has too). However, as far as “creativity” is concerned, the female Robin costume wins hands-down. The costume looks pretty cool. (And…the model’s pretty hot too).
November 1st, 2009 at 12:13 am
Actually saw the female Robin costume at a concert in Albany NY tonight. I forgot to breathe, that’s how – well, first, shocked, I was. eventually the blood rushed to my brain again and I was able to tell my friends about this article and that sight. Unfortunately I happen to be a total coward so I didn’t strike up a conversation w/ the caped crusader, + she probably skirted the edges of my -RULE OF SEVEN!- but I can say this – it’s a damn fine costume and a damn fine girl wore it.
November 1st, 2009 at 9:33 pm
God bless Halloween. These were good on the whole. I think you want “unrequited” instead of “unrequieted” in Harley’s, though.
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 am
If she was Robin, I would actually read Robin.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:13 am
hot outfit
February 9th, 2010 at 11:04 am
Have you done a reproduction of the Duncan (Cisco Kid) Renaldo costume or something very close to it. Or is it one of those that can not be reproducts, by anybody out side of the movie companies.