As you know, we’ve been checking in with iconic heroes (of more than one world) to see what they think about the Halloween costumes based on their likenesses. As it turns out, it was a little bit difficult to get this next meeting, but we managed to pull it off. We sat down with Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern John Stewart, and The Flash for a lively discussion.
NRAMA: Thank you again for your time.
Superman: Don’t mention it. I always have time for our friends in the press.
NRAMA: I have to admit, I wasn’t sure it would work out.
Flash: Yeah, well, we’ve had trouble with writers for a while.
GL: Wally . . .
Flash: What? Too inside?
NRAMA: Well, Flash, since it looks like you came to talk, let’s start with you.
Flash: Hit me.
GL: You won’t see a scarier costume this season.
Wally: He’s right. Seeing that’s giving me flashbacks. Ha! Flash . . . see what I did there?
Wonder Woman: I think it’s darling.
Wonder Woman: I can say darling.
Flash: Aw, that makes me nostalgic. Y’know, I wore that as a kid before the yellow and red.
GL: Did they call you Little Barry?
Superman: Hal did.
Flash: Oh yeah, “Uncle Hal” and his funny nicknames. Just ask Tom Kalmaku about it.
GL: I heard that.
Flash: Okay, the kids were cute, but that guy looks kinda like–
GL: The fastest douchebag alive?
Superman: Guys, there are kids reading.
Wonder Woman: Kids don’t read comics, Kal.
Superman: Diana, I know that you’re still adjusting to our culture after only, let’s see, 70 YEARS, but kids read comic books.
Wonder Woman: Which ones? The one by the detective novelist where I killed Maxwell Lord, or the one by the lawyer novelist with–
GL: Can we not go there?
Superman: Fine. Let’s just keep it clean, gang.
Flash: He does kinda look like a douchebag, though.
NRAMA: Excuse me, uh, League, but I wanted to see what you thought of the Flash costumes for the ladies?
Flash: They look like ElectraWoman and DynaGirl.
GL: Who were they?
Flash: They were in a crappy live-action super-hero show in the ’70s.
GL: Like Hal and Barry?
Flash: NICE! High five!
Superman: John, I expect better of you.
GL: Why? Because I’m a credit to my people?
Superman: I meant humanity! Say something to a guy ONE time . . .
Wonder Woman: I don’t like these costumes. I’m not really fond of basing your costumed identity on a man.
Flash: You know what you could learn from a man’s outfit?
Wonder Woman: What’s that?
NRAMA: Ooooohhhhkaaaaay, on to GL.
GL: That is one adorable kid.
Flash: He has your old hair.
GL: Can I mention that I love the fact that the kids costumes all look like MY outfit and not . . . someone else’s?
GL: What the hell is this shit?
GL: I’m sorry, Kansas, but take a look. What’s this supposed to say? That I wanted to grow up to be Hal Jordan? That’s–
Flash: Insensitive? Demeaning? Racist?
GL: I should call my lawyer.
NRAMA: Hey, where did Superman go?
Flash: He’ll be back. He always takes off whenever anyone mentions “lawyers”.
NRAMA: GL, I actually have one more.
GL: Arisia?! Seriously?!
Wonder Woman: Is that Arisia’s? It seems too . . .
Flash: Odd of a choice?
Wonder Woman: Tasteful.
NRAMA: Ah, great. Superman’s back. How about you?
Superman: Awww . . .
Flash: Look how cute! Are you going to abandon his mother now?
Superman: Wally, stop bringing up that stupid movie.
Flash: What, you mean SuperbabydaddystalkercryptoJesusimage Returns?
Wonder Woman: I think it’s lovely, Kal. He’s beautiful, just like any children we, uh, you and Lois might have.
Superman: That’s darn cute.
Flash: Just don’t give him a piano. He’ll kill somebody!
GL: Want me to ring him up a gag?
Flash: Hey! That’s using the ring for personal gain!
GL: Remind me to tell you about Guy and the Halloween Party.
Wonder Woman: They kind of look . . . the same.
Superman: I had our la . . . la . . . uh, legal representation . . . get rid of the ones from that stupid movie.
Flash: Okay, so the Flash girl outfits were goofy, but yours are kinda vanilla.
Wonder Woman: He’s right, Kal. Did they make a Kara?
Superman: I did NOT approve that.
Flash: Two. Syllable. DAMN!
GL: Give it up, Kal. Wally’s right. I have totally gone violet.
GL: The Emotional Spectrum?
Superman: I don’t get it.
Flash: Enough of this. Where’s the Wonder Woman line-up?
Wonder Woman: Hera help me.
Wonder Woman: Stop that! She’s a doll.
Flash: With pants!
Wonder Woman: She’s cute, too!
Flash: You can almost hear her say, “I gonna fowce peace by hitting you in the face!”
NRAMA: Okay, here’s one young girl option . . .
Wonder Woman: I quite like this. It sends a good message.
GL: What’s that? Freedom is tying people up so that they tell the truth?
Wonder Woman: It’s a weapon of the gods, John. Without my lasso, tiara, and bracelets, I can still lift small buildings. WITH your ring, you could carry a solo book 18 months.
GL: That was cold.
Wonder Woman: What the hell?
Superman: Great. Now SHE’S swearing.
Flash: That. is. bright.
GL: That. is. hideous.
Wonder Woman: Agreed. This, THIS, is what tailors think of young ladies? That they’re subject to whims of a pageant culture instead of embracing the feminine power of the Amazon way? I should–
Flash: Come to America and disguise yourself as a nurse to be close to an unconscious man that you’ve never talked to?
Wonder Woman: I should see the next costume.
Wonder Woman: Well, now. That one has a modicum of dignity.
Wonder Woman: And that one does not.
Flash: That kinda looks like that Playboy cover.
Wonder Woman: Do not mention that doddering senior and his harem of televised sister-wives in my presence.
Flash: What about Batman? Where’s his?
NRAMA: Uh . . .
NRAMA: Uh, there are so many costumes based on Batman, his sidekicks and his enemies that he gets his own feature.
Wonder Woman: It’s okay, Kal.
Superman: Everyone loves Batman.
Flash: He has better movies.
Flash: You have to admit . . . he’s like 4-2 and you’re, what, 2-3? You’re mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.
GL: At least he’s a got a movie.
Wonder Woman: I heard that.