If you’ve been reading Blog@ for the past couple of days, you’ve seen that we’ve spoken to both Captain America and Hulk about their perceptions of Halloween costumes based on their images. Today, we had to invest a little more time. Newsarama sent me to an alternate Earth that was about to celebrate Halloween in 1985. There we talked to a loose confederation of mystery men and women that the media calls “Watchmen”. Present were Dr. Manhattan, Nite Owl II, Silk Spectre II, and Rorschach. This is what they had to say.
NRAMA: Thanks for agreeing to sit down with us.
Nite Owl II: Not a problem. Can I make a brief statement before we begin?
NRAMA: Sure.
Nite Owl II: Hang on, I wrote it down. Okay. “The song “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen first appeared on his album “Various Positions” in 1984. It contains many meanings, including sexual overtones. Cohen plays a different version of the song in concert that is considered more explicit. Its original purpose was to convey different meanings, not to be played only when characters die or leave town on TV shows.”
NRAMA: Feel better?
Nite Owl II: I have more . . .
Silk Spectre II: I think he gets it, Dan.
NRAMA: All right then, let’s get to the first costume.
Silk Spectre II: Aw, Mom . . .
Nite Owl II: I had a poster of that on my wall as a kid.
Silk Spectre II: Really?
Rorschach: Posters are a tool of the liberal media elite to get us to focus on consumer icons rather than adhering to the values of the Founding Fathers.
Dr. Manhattan: She resembles a highly sexualized banana. The poster Dan spoke of sold very well. He fantasized about it frequently from the age of 8 until–
Nite Owl II: Cut that out!
Silk Spectre II: Until when?
Dr. Manhattan: Sorry. He has yet to stop.
Silk Spectre II: Dan! That’s really disturbing!
Nite Owl II: Sorry . . .
Silk Spectre II: That’s okay. I kind of like it.
Nite Owl II: Well, that’s not tasteless at all.
Silk Spectre II: Who buys that? Who the hell says, “I’m going to be a rapist for Halloween”?
Rorscach: Roman Polanski?
(The others glare)
Rorscach: Called humorless when I don’t joke, get angry stares when I do.
NRAMA: Dr. Manhattan?
Dr. Manhattan: A living Halloween costume and a dead Halloween costume have the same number of particles. There is no intrinsic difference.
Dr. Manhattan: I have no costume. I am only a mask.
Nite Owl II: That’s because nobody wants to market your blue schlong.
Silk Spectre II: Jon used to wear a suit. Maybe they could be Jon in the suit.
NRAMA: What are you reading there, Nite Owl?
Nite Owl II: Uh, just flipping through my big book of ’60s and ’70s counter-culture lyrics. I wanted to find some pithy reference to sum up Jon.
NRAMA: Any luck?
Nite Owl II: How about “Sitting on a park bench/eyeing little girls with bad intent”?
Silk Spectre II: That’s not nice.
Nite Owl II: How old were you?
Dr. Manhattan: An underage super-heroine and a legal super-heroine have the same number of particles. There is no intrinsic difference.
Rorscach: Again, Roman Polanski.
NRAMA: Now, Ozymandias couldn’t be here today, but we can still discuss the costume.
Silk Spectre II: Why ISN’T Adrian here?
Nite Owl II: I don’t know. I called him, and he said something about skiing. Then he sang a couple of lines of “New York, New York”, laughed, and hung up.
Rorscach: I hate his costume. It’s silly and impractical. He looks like a circus performer instead of a hero.
Dr. Manhattan: You wear a dress on your face.
Rorscach: It means something, you walking nuclear meltdown!
Dr. Manhattan: A troubled vigilante and a douchebag have the same number of particles.
NRAMA: Okay, all, only a couple more . . .
Dr. Manhattan: Dress. on. your. face.
Rorschach: I strike fear into the underworld.
Silk Spectre II: They’re afraid of you because you KILL them. They’re not afraid of your outfit. By the way, does it come with lifts?
Rorschach: Cheap shot.
Nite Owl II: Man. That’s really disappointing.
Silk Spectre II: I’m so sorry, Dan. I know you love Halloween.
Nite Owl II: It’s just brown pants! I look like a maintenance guy with a cowl. I–I–dammit.
Dr. Manhattan: Nite Owl’s dysfunction has returned.
Nite Owl II: Stop that!
Silk Spectre II: Dan, it’ll be okay. We’ll rescue some cats from trees and you’ll be ready to go.
Rorschach: Don’t forget your Leonard Cohen records.
Silk Spectre II: You leave him alone! He’s delicate.
Nite Owl II: Gee, that’s not emasculating.
Rorschach: Hrm. You look like a hooker.
Silk Spectre II: Hey!
Rorschach: Mother was a hooker. World’s oldest profession. No judgment.
Nite Owl II: I think it’s pretty neat.
Dr. Manhattan: Nite Owl’s functions have returned.
Nite Owl II: That’s it. Sorry, guys. I’m done.
Rorschach: Right. Mask killer to catch.
Silk Spectre II: Again with this.
Dr. Manhattan: I have become intrigued by these Halloween costumes. Perhaps I’ll create some.
NRAMA: Send me some pictures if you do.
Dr. Manhattan: It is November 3rd. I am wiping chunks of Roschach off my feet and sending you pictures of a Captain Metropolis outfit.
Roschach: What did you say?
Dr. Manhattan: Nothing. Halloween is fun.
October 17th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
L.M.A.O… Thanks Troy, this is great stuff! This was more entertaining than the the movie. By a long shot.
October 17th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
What’s great about these is that Troy has gotten all the “voices” right so far. They totally seem like the characters, and that makes it funnier.
October 17th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Someone needs to market a Booster Gold costume.
October 18th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Jesus…
That Ozymandias costume is ridiculous.
October 19th, 2009 at 9:12 am
Let’s play funny not funny!
This article? NOT FUNNY!
October 19th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I can’t imagine Watchmen costumes will be all that popular this Halloween. The movie is more than six months old, and after a big opening weekend it dropped like a rock. I think its pop culture cred is possibly at its lowest point since the original series came out in the 80′s.
October 19th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Gives new meaning to the expression, “bring me my brown pants!”
October 19th, 2009 at 9:36 am
“A vigilante and a douchebag have the same number of particles…” Brilliant!
October 19th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Fantastic job!
October 19th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Rance McGuffin and a douchebag ALSO have the same number of particles.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:01 am
*emasculating
Fun writeup.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:07 am
These continue to be laugh-out-loud entertainment with character voices that are spot-on. Please keep them coming.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:27 am
“An underage super-heroine and a legal super-heroine have the same number of particles. There is no intrinsic difference.”
Great stuff. This series has been great.
October 19th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Love this series (and both Silk Spectre costumes!), but no “Hurm” out of Rohrshach?
October 19th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Points at Alan Moore and does the Nelson laugh
October 19th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Feh. I did HTML style action codes around that last comment, but sadly they didn’t show up. Still, this makes Alan Moore cry.
October 19th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
This is the funniest one. I loved it!
October 19th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
There are simply no words for some of those..
October 19th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Smart, sharp humour. Loving these. Please tell me Batman and Superman are coming up.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I bought the Nite owl costume and it sucks. I even bought separate Vinyl mask and gloves but still they are disappointing. AVOID!
October 19th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Hilarious… well done!
October 19th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
These do get better with each one. WE WANT MORE!!!!
October 19th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
of the series so far this is the best and funiest one loved the jokes where Roarschac made jokes about a couple of the costumes being ones Roman Polenskie would wear and also the silk spectre freaking out over the comedian one was priceless. plus Manhattans babble. love this part of the series
October 20th, 2009 at 12:10 am
I gotta say — the only time we ever had requests for Watchmen costumes at our costume shop was for the opening night of the movie. And those requests were almost all for Rorschach.
These aren’t complete failures as costumes — especially for the price. The Comedian and Silk Spectre offerings are fair. But, for instance, you can’t even see out of the Nite Owl helmet goggles. Most of the apparel details are printed onto the fabric like those “tuxedo t-shirts”. The deluxe Silk Spectre II wig is decent so long as you never need to run a comb through it. And so on. Keep in mind that Rubies was handed the license for this film and they are essentially the “Wal-Mart” of costume manufacturers.
All of the costumes are available in plus sizes with the glaring omission of the Silk Spectre costumes (I & II). I find that kind of lame actually. Big girls want to have fun too.
Sadly there is no demand for these anymore (if there ever was). The movie is too old and never quite struck a chord. I’ll tell you what though…there will be a million Lady Gagas running around on Halloween night. Ahem.
October 20th, 2009 at 5:44 am
I think blog post from Stuff Geeks Love sums it up best:
http://stuffgeekslove.wordpress.com/2008/11/28/pop-culture-references/
October 20th, 2009 at 9:17 am
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