I recently had occasion to chat with Steve Rogers, Captain America, about the Halloween costumes based on his image that we saw at The Marvel Shop. The readership seemed to enjoy that exchange, so we decided to talk to other heroes about their reactions. I managed to catch up with none other than The Incredible Hulk for (approrpriately) a few words about his feelings.
Hulk: Hulk think babies puny and smelly. Babies cry, hurt Hulk’s ears. This one cute, though.
Hulk: Hulk looks dirty. Why Hulk dirty?
NRAMA: That’s how you look in the second movie.
Hulk: That no look like Hulk. Hulk know they change things for movie, but Hulk not dirty.
NRAMA: Ohhhkay . . .
Hulk: One more thing.
Hulk: Only one Hulk movie.
NRAMA: Actually, there were–
Hulk: First one no count. First movie make Hulk fight poodles and bore Hulk. Only one Hulk movie.
NRAMA: I’ll go with that.
Hulk: That look more like Hulk . . .
Hulk: . . . after Hulk eat bad burrito. What with Hulk’s face?
NRAMA: I think they want you to be angry.
Hulk: It work.
NRAMA: How about this one for the kids?
Hulk: Hulk dirty again.
NRAMA: It’s that movie style.
Hulk: Hulk bathe. Hulk use toothbrush. Hulk ALWAYS wash hands after smashing.
NRAMA: We believe you.
Hulk: Movie people make Hulk angry. Movie people make Hulk’s friends angry. Hulk let Daredevil buy him beer, listen to him cry about his movie. Hulk worry about Thor movie. Hulk hope Thor not need to lay on couch, talk to Doc Sampson.
Hulk: That more like Hulk. Better. Hulk still sad though.
NRAMA: Why, Hulk?
Hulk: Always Hulk in purple or blue pants. Hulk own more clothes. Hulk has nice gray jacket for dinner. Hulk likes hats.
NRAMA: I’m sure they just want you to look . . . iconic.
Hulk: Hulk like look nice, too! In ’70s, Hulk have white leisure suit. Hulk wear it to 54 and dance. Hulk have anonymous sex with many partners. Hulk ashamed.
Hulk: Puny Blog guy no judge Hulk.
NRAMA: I’m not.
Hulk: ’70s different time. Hulk on TV. Many lost weekends.
NRAMA: Gotcha. We’ve got one more . . .
Hulk: What that?
NRAMA: That’s a Hulk costume for adults.
Hulk: Why Hulk have tiny head?
NRAMA: The costume inflates so the person has muscles.
Hulk: That Barry Bonds costume, not Hulk. This make Hulk look fat. Hulk not fat.
NRAMA: I know.
Hulk: Hulk very sensitive about weight since McFarlane draw Hulk. Hockey man give Hulk flat head and pudgy arms.
Hulk: Hulk no like this one either. Why don’t costume people just leave Hulk alone?
NRAMA: Look at it this way; maybe they can’t get you right because there’s only one Hulk.
Hulk: What about Red Guy?
NRAMA: Eff the red guy. There’s only one you, Hulk.
Hulk: You mean that?
NRAMA: I do.
Hulk: Come here! Hulk hug!
NRAMA: Oh shi–
Hulk: Puny Blog guy? You okay?
[Editor's Note: Once Troy is out of traction, he'll be back next week to talk to some other comic legends about their costumed representation.]