It seems that there’s a Captain America costume for everyone this Halloween at The Marvel Shop. I managed to catch up with the recently returned Steve Rogers (who was on his way to “put his red, white and blue, well, techinically just red, boot into Norman Osborn’s ass”) for a few thoughts on the marketing of his image.

Cap: That’s downright adorable. What a great way to begin building a fine, upstanding citizen. Good work, Mom and Dad!

Cap: I can’t say that I’m wild about the padding. Kids should aspire to my unmatched physique through a good diet, exercise, plenty of rest, and, when they’re old enough, enough Super Soldier Serum to kill an elephant.

Cap: There seems to be some mistake. Apparently they’ve confused Counter-Earth Bucky, a more appropriate choice, with Kal-El’s young cousin. It’s an honest mistake. I can’t keep track of their people all the time. Do you know how many Flashes they have?

NRAMA: We do, Captain. However, we should point out that there have been a lot of Captain Americas.

Cap: Good point. Back on track? Okay. She looks like a cross between me and Supergirl, but less whorish. Is that fine?

NRAMA: Not very PC, but . . .

Cap: Hey! Living Legend of World War II right here! I call ‘em like I see ‘em you left-leaning–

NRAMA: Cap! It’s okay. Moving on.

Cap: How do I say that he looks silly without . . .

NRAMA: It coming back to you?

Cap: He looks great.

NRAMA: Noted.

Cap: God Bless America. This is what we were fighting for back in the Big One.

NRAMA: What about freedom and liberty?

Cap: That too.

NRAMA: You don’t feel like this mortgages the message of your character for a cheap fanboy turn-on?

Cap: You think too much, son. Look at the beautiful American girl in the Stars and Stripes! Doesn’t it make you swell with patriotic pride?

NRAMA: We’re getting into a weird area here.

Cap: Seriously, son. If you saw that young lady at a costume party, wouldn’t you like to talk to her about majestic mountains and amber waves?

NRAMA: My wife would likely object, Captain.

Cap: And what’s she going as this year?

NRAMA: Daphne from Scooby-Doo.

Cap: High-five, son.

NRAMA: Okay, weird now. Thanks for your time, Cap. Good luck with The Siege and all that.

Cap: Thanks, son. Keep ‘em flying.

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