Yes, there’s another new version of “Armor Wars” headed to the stands this week (more on that below), which shouldn’t be confused with the new Iron Man: Armor Wars miniseries. What other comics are due in shops this week, and can any of their titles be made into terrible puns? Join me after the jump to find out!

3 Story: The Secret History of Giant Man: Super Spy‘s Matt Kindt presents the life story of Craig “Giant Man” Pressgang, a hero whose continuous growth causes problems for him and the women in his life. Sounds intriguing. It’s $20 for 192 pages, and includes a die-cut cover. You guys like die-cut covers, right? Preview here.

Amazing Spider-Man #605: Hmm, should the cover of Amazing Spider-Man really be this much more terrifying than than the cover of a Marvel Zombies series? Because that Amazing Spider-Cherub? It visits me in my sleep. ASM is a 48-page book by Fred Van Lente, Brian Reed, Javier Pulido and Yanick Paquette. Marvel Zombies Return #3 is by novelist Paul Maberry (Patient Zero) and artist Jason Shawn Alexander. Both are $3.99.

Bad Girls: I was originally attracted to this 2003 miniseries by the Darwyn Cooke covers, but the interior art is also provided by equally great individuals—Christine Norrie, Jennifer Graves, J. Bone and Daniel Krall. Steve Vance, who used to write DC’s late great Adventures in the DC Universe series (which really oughta be in digest trade by now), scripted the miniseries, which reads a bit like Mean Girls with superpowers. It’s $15 for a 130-page trade paperback.

Batman and Robin #4: Phillip Tan gets the thankless task of following Frank Quitely on the Grant Morrison-written Bat-title. Poor, poor Phillip Tan. This issue introduces a new Red Hood (Red Hood III, if you’re keeping track). He can’t possibly be as lame as the last Red Hood—resurrected-as-an-evil-jerk Jason Todd in a Scarlet Spider mask, leather jacket and sensible pants—can he?

Beasts of Burden #1: The all-star creative team of Evan Dorkin and Jill Thompson offer a four-issue miniseries about the supernatural detective pets that previously appeared in Dark Horse’s various Book of… anthologies. You can see a three-page preview and an e-comic here.

Blackest Night #3: It’s the Ghost Rider versus Firestorm II battle you demanded! Or wait, this is a DC comic…that must be Atomic Skull. Or Black Lantern Firestorm. Whatever. The point is, there’s a new issue of Blackest Night out this week, and if you like DC Comics, you’re probably going to read it. I know I am. It’s $3.99, but it’s also 32-pages long.

The Brave and the Bold #27: Writer J. Michael Straczynski finally makes his debut as the regular writer of DC’s team-up title, and his choices for which characters to pair sure make it sound like a promising run. In this issue Batman teams up with Robby Reed, the original owner of the Dial H For Hero H-Dial. Jesus Saiz handles the art chores.

Dark Reign: The List—Daredevil #1: This week’s over-punctuated “Dark Reign” special is by Andy Diggle and Billy Tan, and while it is $3.99, the solicitation does seem to promise some extras to make the price seem less exploitive.

Haunt of Horror: Richard Corben adapts classic works by Edgar Allen Poe and H.P. Lovecraft. That’s three great flavors that should go pretty great together. It’s $30 for a 216-page trade paperback.

The John Stanley Library: Nancy Vol. 1: Here’s one any well-stocked graphic novel or comics collection should include (provided, perhaps that the collector doesn’t already own the original comics). It’s a $25, 144-page hardcover collection of Stanley created stories for the Nancy comic books. Publisher Drawn and Quarterly refers to Stanley as “arguably the greatest children’s comics writer of all time.” After burning through Dark Horse’s Little Lulu collections, I’m certainly not going to argue.

Johnny Boo Vol. 3: Happy Apples: In the latest volume of James Kochalka’s unbelievably cute kids series, Johnny Boo, Squiggle and the Monster Formerly Known As The Ice Cream Monster learn a bit about the nutritional value of ice cream versus apples. It’s $10 for 40-pages and, having read a preview copy I can assure you, it is awesome. You can see for yourself if you check out this preview.

M.O.D.O.K.: Reign Delay: So where was everyone’s favorite Mental Organism Designed Only For Killing while Norman Osborn was taking over for Tony Stark and forming his little behind-the-scenes cabal of bad people? Those who read Ryan Dunlavey’s online comic already know he moved back in with his parents, attended his high school reunion, and did battle with a Canadian mutant. The Luddites among us can find out when the story is sold on paper this Wednesday. It’s $3.99.

Outsiders #22: Clayface? Isn’t he, um, you know, after that last issue of Justice League: Cry For Justice? Cover artist Tom Mandrake sure draws a cool Clayface, regardless.

Showcase Presents Warlord Vol. 1: For just $18 you can be the proud owner of 530 pages of Mike Grell written and drawn Hollow Earth sword, sorcery and suchlike adventures. That’s Travis “Warlord” Morgan’s first appearance in 1st Issue Special #8, and the first 28 issues of the Warlord series. Joe Rubinstein and Vince Coletta also contribute art.

Ultimate Comics: Armor Wars #1: Hmm, Brian Michael Bendis on Spider-Man, Mark Millar on the Avengers, and now Warren Ellis on a miniseries based on a classic Marvel storyline. Yep, “Ultimate Comics” sure offers a daring new direction for the Ultimate line! This is a four-issue, $4-an-issue series by Ellis and pencil artist Steve Kurth, centering on Iron Man.

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