You might recall a discussion we had a few months ago about the initial round of teaser posters released to promote G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. I wasn’t very impressed with them, due to what I felt was an overall lack of style and creativity. some of you disagreed, or at the very least weren’t too bothered by the posters. With the movie’s August 7th release date approaching, Paramount has released a new batch of posters for us to enjoy, examine, scrutinize, and otherwise kvetch about. Go forth and check them out at Yo Joe! Magazine and follow along with the commentary. Let’s start out with the one that has the hot woman on it, shall we?

Sienna Miller as The Baroness

Ah, Sienna Miller. Looking at her here, I have only one thing to say: Man, Jude Law is an f’n moron. I confess that as a knee-high nerdling in the 80s, I never found the Baroness to be particularly attractive. Maybe it was the creepy, European accent that turned me off. Or the fact that she was just a shrill, unrepentant witch. Whatever the reason, I never developed a fanboy crush on her like a number of other Joe fans. (For the record, my heart belongs to Zarana.) But I have a feeling that the lovely Ms. Miller is going to change all of that. This is a fantastic poster, with Miller rocking the classic Baroness look in a dynamic, exciting pose.

Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow

Ray Park as Snake-Eyes

If seeing the two most famous fictional ninjas ever created brought to life in all their live-action glory doesn’t get you excited for the movie, then you must hate fun. I love these posters for the same reason I love the Baroness poster: cool, classic-looking characters; dynamic, exciting poses.

Marlon Wayans as Ripcord

Channing Tatum as Duke

I hate these posters just as much as I love the other three. The actors are posed almost exactly the same, just pointed in different directions. And they’re wearing those bland, black leather/kevlar/whatever armored suits that most of the other Joes are wearing in the movie. The Baroness, Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes look almost exactly the way they should look, so they’re instantly recognizable to anyone familiar to the franchise. But if you were a Joe fan from back in the day, but haven’t keeping track of the movie’s production and casting, would you be able to guess which characters Tatum and Wayans were playing? Tatum, maybe, since he’s sporting Duke’s clean cut, All-American soldier look. But would you have any idea that Wayans is playing Ripcord, a very minor character in G.I. Joe canon? (For that matter, why is he playing Ripcord in the first place? Aren’t there plenty of more interesting, not to mention important characters in the G.I. Joe universe that could have been written into the script for him to play?) I talked before about how the original toy and cartoon designs for the Joes added to their character and appeal. It doesn’t look like the producers understand that at all. On the other hand, at least the posters feature action shots this time.

I could go off on another tangent about Paramount seems to be trying their damnedest to keep Cobra Commander’s look a secret, and how much of a stupid idea I think that is, but instead, I’ll leave you on a more positive note. Overall, these teaser posters are a vast improvement over the originals, and a big step forward in enhancing my excitement for the movie.

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