By your Love Counselors Christian Beranek and Tony DiGerolamo
Christian Beranek and Tony DiGerolamo have dated women so you don’t have to. Just like the avatar you use in your World of Warcraft online adventures, let CB and Tony D take the hits for you in the ever dangerous world of mingling with the opposite sex. And don’t worry, if you can’t tell the difference these days, CB sometimes can’t either.
Dear Web of Love:
Last year I met this great girl during Free Comic Book Day, but I was too shy to ask her out. I know she’ll probably be at the store again this year. She is a Bird of Prey fan and a hardcore Dr. Who enthusiast. How should I approach here?
Green Arrow Looking for his Black Canary
TONY D: Wow, that’s a tough one.
CB: Yeah, I don’t get the appeal of Dr. Who.
TONY D: Dude! That show is quality science-fiction!
CB: Yeah, with $1.99 special effects.
TONY D: To the point. Girls that are Black Canary fans are living vicariously through Dinah Lance. She’s a strong, independent woman.
CB: But if she has to live that through a comic book character, odds are your target is not. She just strives to be like Black Canary, but deep down she’s too frightened to do so.
TONY D: That’s where you come in. Compliment her on her bold choices, no matter how boring and lame.
CB: True, compliments are like crack to women.
TONY D: And if that doesn’t work, you can always show up in the Tom Baker Dr. Who scarf.
CB: Oh, c’mon, really? You’re really going to tell him to do that?
TONY D: Dude, you just don’t understand Dr. Who.
CB: I wish I can travel back in time and forget this conversation.
TONY D: Moving on…
Dear Web of Love:
My husband wants to drag me to the comic book store for Free Comic Book Day, but it’s not my thing. I end up hanging around there all day and there isn’t even any Cosmo in the store. How can I gracefully exit this event?
Comic Book Widow
TONY D: Oh, well that’s easy.
CB: Sure. She can’t get out of this.
TONY D: Absolutely not. This is the high holy holiday of comic book fans!
CB: It’s like spitting on Santa.
TONY D: Or Stan Lee dressed as Santa.
CB: Or Stan Lee dressed in the Iron Man armor with a Santa hat.
TONY D: Gold armor or red and gold?
CB: Red and gold. More festive.
TONY D: Agreed. Widow, if your husband has to sit through you jabbering about how your day was all the time, you can hang out in the store one day a year.
CB: She’s an anti-fanite!
TONY D: What does that even mean?
CB: I don’t know. Next.
Dear Web of Love:
I work in a comic book store and Free Comic Book Day is coming up. There’s a customer who comes in once in a while and we make small talk. I think she likes me, but I’m a little unsure how to make the leap from the customer/patron relationship to ask her out on a date. Any advice?
TONY D: Wow, tough one.
CB: Very tough. The store’s going to be jammed packed that day.
TONY D: This is like Peter Parker having to deal with finding the Hobgoblin, making a date with Mary Jane and finishing a college exam all in the same day.
CB: It’s a juggling act. You can’t come on too strong.
TONY D: Yeah, looks creepy. I think he needs to engage her in a personal conversation.
CB: Exactly! She already knows he’s into comics because he works there. Try to start a conversation about anything other than comics.
TONY D: Try this. Complain about your work. Something like, “Man, this is a crazy day for us. I’ll bet you don’t have days like this where you work.” It’ll give her an opportunity to open up to you about what she does.
CB: Yeah and if she tells you where she works, give her the compliments. Remember that crack.
TONY D: Then parlay it like you want to continue the conversation, but you’re really busy. Maybe you can get together outside of work sometime.
CB: No pressure. Just drinks or lunch. Play it casual.
TONY D: Yeah, that way if she rejects you or has a boyfriend, you can pretend you’re just being friendly.
CB: Like Jimmy Olsen.
TONY D: You think Jimmy wanted to make the move on Lois?
CB: Oh, absolutely! But he’s a dork. Never gonna happen.
TONY D: He’s a young guy! He has a shot!
CB: Maybe in the 70’s when they tried to make him cool.
TONY D: Lois is kind of a cougar.
CB: Jimmy as her boytoy? Now that’s an issue of Superman I’d read!
TONY D: Dear, DC Comics…
Christian Beranek co-founded and runs Disney’s Kingdom Comics with Ahmet Zappa. CB has a first look film/tv deal with Disney/ABC via his Lead Pipe Entertainment banner. He has several projects in development around town including Dracula vs. King Arthur, based on the graphic novel he co-created. He is currently working on his first novel and an album. CB is never late for dinner and invites you to add him on twitter: http://www.twitter.com/beranek
Tony DiGerolamo is a writer for the Simpsons and the Bart Simpson comic books. He is the creator of The Travelers and webcomic Super Frat, posted at www.superfrat.com. Don’t miss his monthly comics column in KODT magazine called Lookin’ at Comics and his other deranged projects at www.thefixsite.com. Twitter him at http://twitter.com/TonyDiGerolamo. Tony D is never late for twitter and invites you to dinner.