By Jimmy Palmiotti
WARNING!: This week I say some really stupid shit, curse like a sailor and tell you a great way to get laid. If you are under age, print this out and read it with a flashlight under your covers.
This week sees Amanda Conner and I off to the New York Comic Con. We are excited as hell to see all of you there at the show. Got to be honest, the weather there is total shit… snow Thursday and staying below 30. Oh joy. Why in God’s name would anyone put a friggin’ con in February is beyond me, but we will be there nonetheless. Got a party Thursday night for the Heroes’ Initiative at Dave & Busters in Times Square from 5:30-7:30 . It’s open to all attendees of the con and me, Joe Quesada, Amanda Conner and some other people I don’t care about will be there begging you to buy them a drink. It’s for a great cause and you should show if you are in the city. Really… its gonna be fun.
Now, about the con…what I think will be the hottest item at the con is the…
BACK TO BROOKLYN T-SHIRTS. Yes, I know it won’t be, but take a look at it! How cool is that and it says “Brooklyn” on it and in really small type it says Garth Ennis and Jimmy Palmiotti. That has to mean something… right? I think wearing this shirt just about anywhere will automatically get you laid… and that goes for the ladies as well. Gals, put this shirt on and walk up to just about any guy and ask them to take you home and ride you like a circus horse. I bet more than 50% of the time you will score. Guys, I am betting about 4% for you… but honestly, those odds are better than most. Odds increase for men if they are also wearing a Ferrari and a three-piece suit. And yes, that’s Amanda giving everyone the big hello wearing one of these beauties. Anyway, its available for $17.95 at the GRAPHITTI booth at the con this week in New York…or order toll free at 1-800-699-0115.
ME, ME, ME: learn more about me and what I really think. Great little interview here.
CONTESTS…YOU LIKE THEM: A buddy of mine put together a trivia contest of sorts where you can win a boatload of crap. It’s trivia about me and Justin Gray and its on our Paperfilms site. Come play or just check out the boards. They are a lot like this blog and we hit it all the time. Say hi to Patrick for us as well… and register, it will get you to all the boards that also feature people like J.G. Jones, Frank Tieri and Chris Gage to name a few.
PIZZA HUT COMMERCIALS: First, fuck you Pizza Hut. No one should be eating this crap if there is an actual pizzeria near your home… second, has anyone seen the uber-insulting commercials where they “go to Italy” and feed “real” Italians their new lasagna? Oh my God, it trumps the Olive Garden “we are bringing Uncle Don from the old country to taste real Italian food at the Olive Garden” commercials, and that’s not easy! To think that made-by-machine-layered-death would fool any Italian in Italy into thinking a top chef made it is an insult to all Italians, all cooks and especially to me because they run those pathetic commercials during prime time all week. Giving your Uncle Don from Italy that crap to eat will automatically get your name removed from the will instantly. The only thing that’s worse is Domino’s and their two cardboard pies for 10 bucks deals, but these commercials have put them in the same category. Hell, since when do we need a loaf of sticky cinnamon sticks with our pizza? They really are trying to kill everyone. That shit is toxic.
Darwyn Cooke makes fun of me for rating every pizza place here in Florida by comparing it to Spumoni Gardens or John’s back in NY, but I realize that I have been spoiled my entire life and it was not till I left the motherland of Brooklyn did I realize how badly the rest of he world had it. The only chain that seems to be trying these days is Carrabba’s Italian Grill. Order the specials when you go there to get the better dishes. So yeah… fuck you Pizza Hut and screw you Domino’s, you both need to focus on the only people buying your crap… college students and lazy people.
MOVIES: Saw THE WRESTLER and loved it. Always liked Mickey and still do. Less said about it the better, but there was a scene that Amanda and I were both totally frightened by. Not the deli one, but the scene where the older wrestlers did the comic convention thing and signed autographs. Amanda turned to me and asked “will that be us one day” and I told her never… because I would drive my car off a cliff before I let that happen. Also have to give kudos to Marisa Tomei for being 44 and looking as good as she does, naked and all. She is a fantastic actress in my eyes and a fellow Brooklynite and it’s funny that I know someone that used to be her “handler” and another guy whose brother used to date her. Small world.
Also saw the third UNDERWORLD film and I got to say, not my cup of tea. Some decent effects and a good scene here and there but overall, it was weak. By the numbers story about people I didn’t care about. Biggest problem I had was I just didn’t find anything appealing about the story overall. Maybe the problem was that I didn’t see the second one… so maybe someone can fill me in on that. The three leads tried hard, but the script gave them no love or joy or any sense of being more than a cardboard cut out of hate and anger. In the future, I will suggest that people writing characters take a good look at the people they admire and try to use some of their traits… you will always find a sense of humor, used even in the slightest fashion, will make your characters something the audience can invest time in. I hate having to be negative about anything where a cool guy like Kevin Grevioux is involved, but I noticed he didn’t write the story. Even worse, his character was so cool in the flick but wasn’t able to do much but get orders barked at him by the main character. Another pet peeve of mine is swords that can cut through werewolves and bones like a hot butter knife. Because of stuff like this, the whole movie plays like a violent Saturday morning cartoon. Anyone else see this? Let me know what you thought… I’m interested.
PAYBACK on Blu-Ray is a reworking of the original Mel Gibson movie re-cut and mastered by its director Brian Helgeland. Based on the Donald Westlake novel, the original version that made it to theatres with a softer, kinder cut of the movie. This version does away with that and is much more true to the book. I enjoyed both to tell you the truth, but die-hard fans will want to check this disc out. Got a ton of extras as well as a cool interview with Westlake before he passed away last month. P.S.: Lucy Liu never looked better.
QUICK PICKS: I AM LEGION, published by Devil’s Due and DARK IVORY, by Image. These are the only books that got my money this week.
FINAL PLUG: Out now is Jonah Hex #40 and Back to Brooklyn #3. Take a look and support my madness.