If, like me, you’re a citizen of the United States concerned about the safey and security of your family, then you should be apalled that the President-Elect has been photographed trading pleasantries with Spider-Man. We’ve know for years, thanks to the forthwright reporting of the Daily Bugle, that he’s either a threat or a menace. I know that I wasn’t persuaded to think otherwise when he unmasked at the height of the so-called “Super-Hero Civl War”, mostly because I can’t seem to remember what he looked like.
Whatever the case, it’s been rumored that this wall-crawling hazard to humanity has trafficked in the dark arts! Rumors abound on the internet that Spider-Man made a DEAL with the DEVIL to get rid of his wife! Who knew that he was even married? But it was on the internet, so it must be true. SPIDER-MAN: DEVIL DEAL-MAKER!
And if that’s true, what does that say about Mr. Obama? Do we want to see the leader of the free world trading Satanist Fist Bumps in front of the entire country? I think not. America needs the leadership of stand-up men of valor. Like Norman Osborn. Get with it, Mr. Obama. Keep your freedom-loving friends close, and the Devil-Loving Masked Men far away.
This message has been paid for by Brand New Day for America.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
This is one of the funniest articles I’ve read on this site in a long time! Thank you for making my Friday afternoon just that much brighter.
JJJ must be crying in his mustache, seeing a President be this nice to the menace that is Spider-Man.
Cheers,
B
January 9th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
In a statement, the President-Elect made it clear he had no personal dealings with Spider-Man during the period of time in question, and while they have met on occasion at public events, he couldn’t honestly say he was an “associate”.
Also, he made it clear that the adventure chronicled in the upcoming issue was open to artistic interpretation, and he has never, ever, “fist-bumped” anyone.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Mephisto was just on Countdown pointing out that he’s not the literal devil and that the deal that was made was actually to save a loved one’s life. As the phamous philsopher Sting says, “If you love someone, set them free….`”
He pointed that this rumor has been started and continued by several bloggers with secret European funding and their own agendas and axes to grind
-Wacker
January 9th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Ha! I knew it! Newsarama is owned by FOX and the republican party. Shame on you Troy, for being part of this lowsy campaing against the leader of the free world and his “associates”.
Peace.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Stop being part of the marvel publicity machine
January 9th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Wait – I have read from a poster ON THIS VERY WEBSITE, ON THIS VERY INTERNET that Newsarama is owned by DC Comics.
I get so confused when I read the internets.
January 9th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Quite clearly, Matt, it points to the secret cabal that DC & Marvel have formed. Sure, in public, Quesada will talk about Superman not being able to get it up and Wayne will insist on his firing before the companies would EVER collaborate on something, but that’s all for show. I’m sure you’ve watched professional wrestling before, yes?
Likewise, Brand New Day For America is actually funded, in secret, by a group of investors organized by David Plouffe. Why? Well, to generate sympathy for an unfairly persecuted Obama and provide Spider-Man with the opportunity to change his image (much like William Ayres did in speaking about his past).
Now pardon me, I must check my e-mail, as I’m sure some conspiracy nut has fired one off in response to factually accurate post…
January 9th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Hey Matt, don’t get confused, are you sure DC isn’t owned (secretly) by FOX?
. Peace.
January 9th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
he he lol well I think DC is secretly owned by aliens seeing as everyone of their characters defy physics and only aliens can do that lol just kidding i not that crazy i just had to be stupid cause i am a nerd and what not okay that about wraps it up and Matt … its okay don’t be confused everything eventually makes sense in the end.. okay dude?
January 10th, 2009 at 2:29 am
so wait does this mean the illuminati that has been secretly steering the direction of the industry has always been Giffen, Dixon, Wolfman, Valentino and Waid?
and would that make the cabal Moore, Morrison, Millar, Bendis, Lee and their dark apprentice Johns? =)
January 10th, 2009 at 3:03 am
HA! Good stuff here.
I wonder when JJJ will issue his rebuttal to JQ’s interview on CNN that Obama can learn some good values from Spider-Man.