Blog@Newsarama’s Carla Hewitt attended the Warren Ellis spotlight panel Saturday night and somehow escaped unscathed. As she wrote up her report, however, she had some concerns about the language she’d have to use to capture the flavor of the event:
… Warren Ellis swears. A LOT. Some things he said are a little off color and I thought I would hand the whole thing to you to see what can and can’t make it onto the site. Better safe than sorry, right?
[snip]
…nearly two-thirds of the way through, I had to stop writing because I was laughing too hard. Man’s funny.
Far be it from me to edit anything Warren Ellis said, so we present Carla’s uncut list of 44 things said at the Warren Ellis spotlight panel. Warning: contains language, and references to Nazi Sex Midgets. Enjoy.
1) Warren Ellis could take Joss Whedon.
2) Downloadable comic save Warren Ellis a lot of money.
3) In the next three years, online comics will become “the big question.”
4) Avatar will have a FREE online comic by Warren Ellis called “Freak Angels,” a five-page-a-week story that will be close to a sort of Village of the Damned kids all grown up and living in a post-flood London that they may or may not have something to do with. Near future steampunk for free on the internet.
5) August of 2008 his Astonishing X-Men issues will hit, so there wasn’t much to say about his upcoming run on the book.
6) Millar and Bendis begged Warren Ellis to have their asses on Ultimate Fantastic Four.
7) Warren Ellis didn’t tell Bryan Hitch that Midnighter and Apollo were gay until issue #7 of Authority, but having them sleep in the nude together in Stormwatch was a good clue.
WB didn’t have the “correct cocks sucked” to continue with the Global Frequency TV series, thus dumping a $4 million pilot.
9) Web critics he enjoys include Tom Spurgeon, though Paul O’Brien may have lost his mind after reading years and years of every X-Book ever printed.
10) The Transmetropolitan trades may be condensed in the near future, so a lot of them are going out of print.
11) At age 14, he was inspired by Michael Moorecock’s Cure for Cancer and Jack Kerouac’s On the Road.
12) The project Dead Channel will involve a network alien reality TV.
13) Planetary #27 was written two months ago.
14) There is a new joy in the world for Warren Ellis now that he knows you can drive a space shuttle utterly shit-faced.
15) It is not a jolly fucking holiday with Mary.
16) Stealth Tribes is a next year project.
17) Anime he enjoys include Speed Grapher, though he wants to see Paprika.
18) His advice to new writers is to get published because you won’t believe what you “fucked up” until you see it on the printed page.
19) Apparat 2 will be showing up sometime next February.
20) Warren Ellis doesn’t give a shit on how writers get into the business.
21) In 2000 at Columbus, Ohio, Warren Ellis tried Mountain Dew; it did not make him feel extreme.
22) Ignition City will be the second monthly ongoing series from Warren Ellis for Avatar.
23) The American alcoholic energy drink, Sparks, is fucking horrible.
24) He recharges himself creatively with new music.
25) To start his writing process, he takes in as much information as possible.
26) No smoking in pubs has nearly ruined him.
27) He was there when Garth Ennis got so drunk he could not see.
28) Warren Ellis had to make himself stop drinking Sparks.
29) Someone got run over by a car on Wednesday at Comic Con.
30) Fatal Robot Cosplay is a great new band name.
31) The idea for Desolation Jones’ “Hitler Porn” came from a ‘zine from the ’70s about “the nature of the world” that talked about Nazi Sex Midgets reenacting the Passion of the Christ.
32) Every month, Warren Ellis receives what British writers refer to as “the DC Big Box o’ Shite” and despite people writing books he’d probably enjoy inside, he donates the whole thing to charity.
33) The $1.99 comic has worked.
34) No more Jack Cross comics with DC because “they’ve fucked it up.”
35) We are shit out of luck on Transmetropolitan prequels.
36) Rosario Dawson has no tits.
37) Therefore, Kevin Smith’s are bigger.
38) Warren Ellis was decanted into LAX for the Con.
39) No more “Edison Hate Future” gags because he ran out of jokes.
40) Warren Ellis knows a writer in the business who was once sewn up into a leather sarcophagus during a con at his hotel room.
41) Avatar Press was built by Warren Ellis.
42) There will be a one-shot Planetary comic, and it will be expensive.
43) Warren Ellis uses a Treo 600.
44) Warren Ellis trusts Greg Palast.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:07 am
I guess you had to be there?
August 1st, 2007 at 11:14 am
Rosario Dawson has no tits??????
http://www.nndb.com/people/220/000047079/rd.jpg
Could fool me…
August 1st, 2007 at 11:15 am
40) Warren Ellis knows a writer in the business who was once sewn up into a leather sarcophagus during a con at his hotel room.
That’s hot.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:18 am
13) Planetary #27 was written two months ago.
Sounds like Cassaday needs to get off his ass and give us some closure!!
August 1st, 2007 at 11:20 am
____ing Brilliant
Just the type of sarcasm this world needs
PS – Am currently loving “Crooked Little Vein” and am wondering when the lazy buggers at Newsarama are going to get around to reviewing it? Or did I miss it due to all of the damn Comic Con coverage proliferating these here web pages?
August 1st, 2007 at 11:20 am
Nothing about what’s going on with the delays on DESOLATION JONES? Fuck.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:32 am
That’s Greg Palast.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:33 am
The man is an evil genius, no doubt about it. Lucky for us, he’s perfectly willing to fight “The Man” and continue the madness.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:35 am
Not only does Roasario Dawson have a great set of tits, they where a welcome surprise in Alexander after glimpsing Colin Ferrel’s nutsack.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:45 am
Gotta love Ellis, he’s very funny and talented.
Thats great news that Transmetropolitan might be collected in bigger collections soon !
And is it me, or does he look a bit like Alan Moore in that picture, evil ;p
August 1st, 2007 at 11:45 am
Thanks Russ … it has been fixed.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:46 am
Planetary 27, plus a Planetary one-shot? Cool.
August 1st, 2007 at 11:48 am
He may well be talented, but hell.. what a way to be a walking cliche.
A self-professed drunk Brit who swears a lot? Yah.. you’d never see that one coming…
August 1st, 2007 at 12:02 pm
I didn’t know there was even going to be a Planetary #27. I thought #26 was the last one.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Nice. Two words that sold me on Crooked Little Vein: Godzilla Bukkake. The book truly is gloriously filthy.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:08 pm
No problem. I’m working on putting together a graphic novel based on one of Greg’s books and so I saw his name associated with Warren on here and figured it was a good excuse to say something and kind of call him to the attention of comics fans a bit.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Damn it, I wanted to be number 44. Thanks, Ellis, for nearly making me spray coffee all over my monitor after reading #20.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:39 pm
“36) Rosario Dawson has no tits.”
Well then…proof positive that Warren Ellis is completely full of shite.
Not only does she have tits, but she’s every bit as simple sexy in person as she is on the screen.
August 1st, 2007 at 1:00 pm
I practically choked on my chocolate chip cookie reading #15, then laughed again at #20, 21, 32, 37… hey, Carla’s right – he is funny!
August 1st, 2007 at 1:01 pm
“6) Millar and Bendis begged Warren Ellis to have their asses on Ultimate Fantastic Four.”
I assume that should be “save” but since it’s Warren, was he taking a shot at them?
August 1st, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Anyone know where there might be a recording of this panel?
August 1st, 2007 at 2:38 pm
“A self-professed drunk Brit who swears a lot? Yah.. you’d never see that one coming…”
Sounds like something from a Warren Ellis book.
August 1st, 2007 at 2:45 pm
13) Planetary #27 was written two months ago.
Sounds like Cassaday needs to get off his ass and give us some closure!!
>>>Cassaday is off directing a movie. Ellis knew about this last year when it was announced. Why he waits until now to finish Planetary knowing Cassaday’s schedule is a question begging to be asked, but noone had the stones to ask him. Now Cassaday looks like the jerk delaying the book.
August 1st, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Excellent job, JK.
Love Ellis’ hat, too. Wonder if they make ‘em for men, as well.
August 1st, 2007 at 4:42 pm
SpyGuy@ #6 — Ellis did hint at some rather complicated behind-the-scenes stuff on DESOLATION JONES, but he said it will be back, and when it comes back, it’ll be monthly. Thereby hangs a tale, I imagine, but Ellis didn’t see fit to go into it in any detail.
August 1st, 2007 at 7:27 pm
We just put this on the front page of our site under Palast in the News (gregpalast.com).
Thanks-
zach
Warren is the man.
August 1st, 2007 at 8:20 pm
“A self-professed drunk Brit who swears a lot”
Sounds like about half the adult population of Britain, in fact.
August 1st, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Zach, where does the “only” in that quote on the Palast web site front page come from? The link comes here but I don’t see the world “only” in #44. Is there another transcription or recording somewhere?
August 1st, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Is #6 unintentionally homoerotic? Or intentionally homoerotic? Or just gay as?
August 1st, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Planetary #27 is to be more of a stand-alone issue/epilogue from what I understand from numerous comments made by W.E. #26 was the end of the regular series, so don’t be dissin’ on the man or his hombre Cassaday! Just enjoy it when and if it ever gets published.
August 2nd, 2007 at 4:01 am
>>PS – Am currently loving “Crooked Little Vein” and am wondering when the lazy buggers at Newsarama are going to get around to reviewing it? Or did I miss it due to all of the damn Comic Con coverage proliferating these here web pages?
August 2nd, 2007 at 6:23 am
What a nice person!
Me and my lung cancer fully agree on 26) ,… but what exactly did DC fuck up with Jack Cross?
August 2nd, 2007 at 12:40 pm
…Warren Ellis as a cowboy? Bruce Dern look out! :p
August 2nd, 2007 at 1:21 pm
I think the “only” came from context. At first the non-comics folk didn’t understand why being trusted by Warren was relevant and I had to explain the paranoid and conspiratorial nature of his writing. I informed them to remove it so as not to misquote the man, so that’s gonna happen presently. Thanks for that catch, as I only look at Greg’s site once in a blue moon!
August 2nd, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Of course Ellis is funny and a little off. Most truely creative people are. Living in a world of observations and responce, what choice is there to be had but madness and vomit of that insanity that is the real world? It’s not fantasy children, it’s what’s happening outside your window- in our lifetime. Be greatful for the griot.
August 2nd, 2007 at 3:50 pm
“A self-professed drunk Brit who swears a lot? Yah.. you’d never see that one coming…”
Sounds like something from a EVERY Warren Ellis book.
Fixed your post for you, Em …
Of course Ellis is funny and a little off. Most truely creative people are. Living in a world of observations and responce, what choice is there to be had but madness and vomit of that insanity that is the real world? It’s not fantasy children, it’s what’s happening outside your window- in our lifetime. Be greatful for the griot.
Wow, Kyle … I have five dollars that says you just read your first Hunter S. Thompson book last week, and it blew your mind.
Ellis is not about “that insanity that is the real world.” He is about whoring himself to Marvel (his word for it) and descending into tiresome self-parody, with endless rants that could be summed up as, “You’re all a bunch of bastards,” and, “Check out this idea I got from an article in Wired five years ago.”
Ellis has about as much to do with reality as Scientology has to do with science.
August 2nd, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Kirk Boxleitner you are now my new hero.
August 2nd, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Kirk, when do I get to see my five dollars? Too be frank, the reality is ‘whoring’ is the oldest profession. If you have a job, you are working the street yourself.
The reality of ‘rehashed ideas’ and/or ‘tiresome self-parady’ is survival. How to make a living with the tools that are given. The reality is a bridge can fall in Min. the same day that ground was to be broken for a new sports stadium for a billionaire. That tax-payers footed. And people died. The reality is a wife can kill her husband in KY, while her sons were asleep in the house. And the father of the husband retains a lawyer because his son was a wife-beater. The reality is, it does take time to work out an idea and write it in a manner that is rewarding to some. It doesn’t have to be for everyone. Just some. And profit from it.
Every writer has a hit or miss. And Thomson was funny and the same for years. I first read him in 1982. When I was twelve.
Your opinion is your own. Mine just seems to differ. I am entertained by Ellis and pay for that entertainment. Money that goes toward the future of his daughter, Lilith Amelia, who by now, is eleven, and most likely has read Thompson also.
August 2nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Warren is an ok writter who can be very good if you ARE in the mood for Warren. I like Thunderbolts Loved Ocean but a lot of ellis just makes me say “ok your ‘Out there’ You want a medal?”
That said I think he’s got talent enough to keep me hoping that he may become as good as he thinks he is
August 2nd, 2007 at 7:56 pm
These responses should be locked after 44. Only makes sense.
August 2nd, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Kyle,
If that post is your idea of a series of profound observations, it’s no wonder you love Warren Ellis so much.
And Warren’s “whoring” offends me only because he built his entire career on saying that everyone else who “whored themselves” was – again, using his words – “killing the industry.”
But as long as there are still people who never progressed emotionally beyond thinking that it’s somehow cool and rebellious to smoke, there will always be an audience for Ellis.
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:19 am
Kirk (or K-Box),
There will always be an audience for different types of media in general. Are readers of Archie comics emotionally stunted in life or is it something that they enjoy?
Personally, I don’t agree with the KKK, but they have a right to think what they want and believe what they want as long as I have the same right to have a different perspective. It’s called choice.
Your final statement, although attempting to be condescending, proved my point. Now if your arguement is based only on Ellis’ ideas about the downfall of the industry that were written eight or nine years ago, I would like to think you could let it go. The industry isn’t gone. It is different, but not gone.
What a silly thing to be annoyed about. Did you say anything eight or nine years ago that would get someones goat to this day? Do you believe anything you believed in that time as you do today?
If so, cool. If not, still cool. Get it? It’s a choice. A point of view. It’s nothing to begrudge an artist for. That’s too much a waste of energy.
And by the way, my observations were not meant to be profound. They were facts. Tragedies that happen everyday. Read a newspaper. Watch the first ten min. of the local or world news. Nothing profound. Just a horrible truth. The world is not a perfect place. And depending of what kind of fiction a person enjoys, their escapism is up to that individual. And hopefully temporary, so as they can get back to their whoring to pay the bills.
Speaking of,… when do I see my five dollars?
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:34 am
To be fair, re: Planetary & Cassaday’s schedule, Ellis said that he finished the script some months ago, but he knows that Astonishing X-Men scripts have come in and that those take priority, so he isn’t sweating it. He said to expect it by year’s end, IIRC.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:00 pm
For those like Kirk and Rob that say Ellis is an okay writer, who would you say is better in the comic industry? I see this brought up all the time, but I never see an example of something better.
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Better? Glad you asked…
Gant Morrsion, Jim Starlin Alan Moore, Steve Gerber, John Byrne (when he’s on)his plots are good
good but his voice always feels the same unapealing good for Norman Osborne not for Cyclops good for some creator owned stuff not others. I really liked ocean really did’nt like Athority.
By the way just so were clear I’m not even trying to pretend Warren’s online rants don’t effect my feelings on him! I’M not reading Iron by a guy who hates superheroes. Why should I?
Besides I think Warren’s greatest feat is seling himself as the guy “forced TO WORK for Marvel” Which if you think about a little is absurd.
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Better? Glad you asked…
Gant Morrsion, Jim Starlin Alan Moore, Steve Gerber, John Byrne (when he’s on)his plots are good
good but his voice always feels the same unapealing good for Norman Osborne not for Cyclops good for some creator owned stuff not others. I really liked ocean really did’nt like Athority.
By the way just so were clear I’m not even trying to pretend Warren’s online rants don’t effect my feelings on him! I’M not reading Iron by a guy who hates superheroes. Why should I?
Besides I think Warren’s greatest feat is seling himself as the guy “forced TO WORK for Marvel” Which if you think about a little is absurd.
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Rob,
You listed Grant Morrison if anyone gets the “ok your ‘Out there’ You want a medal?” repuation it’s him. I love Grant and I’d say his earlier works (Flex, Doom Patrol, Animal Man) are better than most of Ellis’s work, but it seems like since Invisibles ended the best thing Grant has done is We3, while Ellis keeps putting out quality.
I have no problem with saying Moore is better either. It’s like saying LeBron James and Dwayne Wade (or Ennis/Ellis in my mind) are okay but not as good as Michael Jordan. They’re still better than the average NBA player.
And this “Warren hates super-heroes” thing HAS to stop. It really does. Where did it come from? Garth Ennis hates super-heroes, Ellis hates the dominance super-heroes have over the industry. That is it.
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:42 pm
I think “Warren Ellis hates super heroes” is from the interview printed in “Writers on Comic Scripts Vol 1″.
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:04 pm
OK I guess caling his doing a year of MARvel a “year of whoredom” is not saying “I hate superheroes” but you have give me “whoring is a pretty loaded word and please for the love of God don’t say “He just needed the work” if he just needed the work he just would have worked. Or he could have done something for Icon
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm
so any clues as to the identity of #40? and were they “mummified” (bound in shrinkwrap) at the time, too?
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Meh, most the great writers in history to some extent built up some kind of cult of personality. It’s why they were read, and why we still read them. In the prose world we have Wilde, Fitzgerald, and Vonnegut, to name a few. In comics we have Moore, Gaiman, Miller, Morrison, Ennis, and Ellis. All of these writers have their own styles and meta-narratives, and if one likes a particular writer’s style, you can appreciate the meta. If you don’t like the style, don’t complain that you don’t like the meta–it’s not for you.
August 4th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Rob,
Whoring is a strong word, but probably not so much for Ellis. His sense of humour uses a lot of strong language so I’m sure he doesn’t actually feel like he is sacrificing his integrity for working at Marvel. If anything it’s a self-conscious joke for the people that think he hates superheroes.
I was at the panel. When someone asked why he is doing Astonishing X-Men he said that part of it was becaues he felt he still had more to say with super-heroes.
August 4th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
I also trust Greg Palast who’s the closest living thing we’ve got to Spider !
“A cynical, mercenary, demagogic press will produce in time a people as base as itself” – Joseph Pulitzer
August 6th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
I was there. It was a great panel although like many panels, questioners try too hard to be funny.
I’d like to add that he says most writers are bats@#$ crazy and that, not naming names, one put a cave in his basement Northhampton house and another went to Tibet and tried to be abducted by aliens.
July 8th, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Yea nice Work!
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