There have been so many shocks and surprises and the internet just can’t be broken anymore. It’s become tougher, like when you tear a phone book into pieces and eventually it just won’t rip anymore. How do you tell who’s who and what’s what in this new world out there? Don’t worry. I’m here to comfort and guide. Welcome to the world outside B@N. Welcome to Meanwhile….

Quite a few good links out there this week from some new names that managed to appear on my radar, but first, lets play a game.

Not many people have noticed, but each “New Meanwhile” is a song lyric that pertains to something in that column. Look at the title of each week’s post and see if you can figure out what song I used for the title, what band, and why I used it. If you comment in one of the threads I’ll check out your blog and see if there is anything that looks interesting for next week’s column.

Mark Engblom learned a lot from comic books as a kid and he’s sharing those lessons with us in “All I Really Need to Know I Learned From Comic Books”, Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

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There’s a pretty impressive challenge out there in the comics community. Lurking Rhythmically started writing a few stories about familiar comic characters if they were written by various authors. Here are a few:

Batman, as written by Chuck Palahniuk

I am Bruce’s rampaging ego.

Dr. Strange, as written by Hunter S. Thompson

We were in the Sanctum Sanctorum on Bleecker Street when reality shattered like a cheap mirror dropped from the top of the Empire State Building by some bored tourist who wanted to see if he could dent the sidewalk with it, and the air was filled with the frenzied wailings of a thousands kittens wired to the gills on cocaine and LSD being shoved into a blender and set to “frappe”.

Spider-Man , as written by Woody Allen

“And let’s think about why you dress as a spider, Mr. Parker. Do you not see the Little Miss Moffett parallel? Your Aunt May: widowed, smaller than you. You: the spider that sat down beside her.”

“What about the curds and whey?” I inquire, my hunger getting the best of me.

and my favorite, Aquaman, written so that he does not suck

Before me rise great squirming shapes, fifteen-foot spheres of tar and tentacles and eyes, like great cancerous leukocytes. Membranes the size of kettledrums convulse, churning the water with barely-subsonic throbs that echo Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li! in my ears.

I scatter them with a telepathic pulse. Begone, say I, for I am master of all things of the sea and on the sea and in the sea. Serve me, or face my wrath.

The shoggoths choose to serve.

After setting the bar so high, she set a challenge for others to create their own. Chris Sims took that challenge and ran with it creating:

A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Pernicious Punishment (The Punisher as written by Lemony Snicket)

Gentle Reader,

I’m sorry to say that the story you are reading is horrifically violent. It is, to say the least, an extremely brutal tale of a very angry man who, despite being rather clever and possessing a very grim sense of humor, has chosen to react to tragedy by shooting, stabbing, or blowing up virtually every single person he encounters who is not dressed in some sort of garish spider costume.

Has anyone found any others?

UPDATE:

Jimmy: The True Story of a Teenageed Journalist

The X-Men, as written by David Cronenberg

The Swamp-Thing by H.P. Lovecraft

Henry David Thoreau’s Fourth World

The Punisher By Bret Easton Ellis

Calcium Traces: A Secret History of The Element Man

Here are some suggestions for more.

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The unthinkable has happened. Bully has made Clor entertaining. Part 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. After reading that I now want every comic I read to end in a song and dance number.

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If you need a drink after thinking about Clor and Singing Asgardian clones then give Scipio’s recipes a try.

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Feel better? Then lets continue on.

Facedown in the Gutters has some rejected Damage logos. Make your own today!

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Those Wednesdays has quite a theory about the DC Universe’s big events of the past year or so. I want at least some of it to be true.

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Bahlactus wants us to unleash the violence at Friday Night Fights!

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Johanna quietly launches Manga Worth Reading.

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Ha! Rich got punked. Chris at Comics212 has the details.

“With the successful release of “300″ and the upcoming release of “TMNT” later this month, there is no doubt that Warner Bros. is enthused about comic book adaptations -just not DC’s for 2007.
“So how about next year?
“This is an image from the upcoming Captain Marvel cartoon for WB.”
- Rich Johnston, Comic Book Resources

Except of course, for the fact that it isn’t. It’s actually an illustration my buddy Jim Zubkavich put up on his Live Journal last week, with his signature photoshopped out and a logo dropped on. What does buddy Jim have to say about this?

“Some crazy fanboy Photoshopped out my sig and made up a mock promo pic as if it was a real WB animation piece! That’s hilarious. I’m flattered and confused at the same time. The rumor is marked as ‘green’, meaning it’s apparently been confirmed. So strange.”
- Jim Zubkavich

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Dave Campbell’s Lame Ass Villain series returns.

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Our very own Kali goes all “What If” on us and discusses Superhero children.

Guy, in this future that would never happen, needs a daughter. Or daughters. Because…well honestly, Guy with a daughter would be really twistedly cute. She’d be always dressed in impossibly cute pinafore like dresses, immaculate pigtails, and she’d always be in trouble for fighting boys on the playground.

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I love it when Chris at 2 Guys Buying Comics “translates” the New Joe Mondays columns.

No no no, that was totally a result of the careful planning and timing that has been the hallmark of everything involving Civil War! In the Merry Marvel Fashion, we’re covering our asses by selling you more comics you probably won’t want to read!

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Fin

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