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Does whatever a spider can. But in a fireman’s outfit.

December 15th, 2006
Author Graeme McMillan

If there’s one thing that says “The Holidays” to many little children across the world, it’s toys. Luckily, Mark Engblom of Comic Coverage has got that market sewn up with his continuing series (parts 1, 2 and 3 are up so far) of stupid and goofy comic-related toys for girls and boys:

For over 40 years, Spider-Man toys have enjoyed overwhelming popularity with kids of all ages…and why wouldn’t they? After all, the wall-crawler’s snappy humor, cool costume and amazing powers are all an imaginative child needs for hours of adventurous play.

Ah, but legendary Masters of the Craptacular Toy Biz knew better! Why climb walls, shoot webbing and lift cars over your head when you can put out fires, hang out at the beach or shoot breathtaking safari footage…all while still wearing your Spidey costume?!! …[W]ho needs threats like Dr. Octopus and the Green Goblin when Spider-Man could instead face the challenge of bonking a layback slide, capped off by a tight fakie?

Go click the links and hide the fact that you secretly want some of the things he pokes fun at.

4 Responses to “Does whatever a spider can. But in a fireman’s outfit.”
  1. Jer Says:

    I will hide no such thing – I want a Thor on a motorcycle action figure. In fact, I’d like to have a half dozen or so of them to have a “Thor’s Angels” motorcycle gang.

    Don’t you judge me!

  2. Mark Engblom Says:

    Better yet, how about customized cycles of Thor and ALL of his Asgardian buddies. What I wouldn’t give for the enormous Volstagg riding a mini-bike! Or, better yet, All-Father ODIN riding a chopper.

    Thanks for the links, Graeme!

  3. Paul Says:

    Does Artic Spidey have a Christ-like halo, or is he wearing some sort of bubble on his head?

    I’m just wondering if he’s an object of worship or did he wear a space suit in case he got a sick vert and hit low orbit?

  4. Mark Engblom Says:

    Here’s another one!

    http://comiccoverage.typepad.com/comic_coverage/2006/12/bizarros_toybox_3.html

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