Everyone has a secret comics shame. Mine, sadly, is that I loved the Millennium series that DC put out in the late 80s - completely and utterly loved it. So much so that I bought every issue of the appalling spin-off The New Guardians.
As if to remind me how wrong that last choice was, Millarworld remembers The New Guardians:
“I was trying to figure out who Jet was from the recent issues of Green Lantern so I ran her through wiki, and what the hell is this: ‘She became Jet, and joined the other heroes the Guardians had made in the team named (appropriately enough) the New Guardians. Jet fought many foes, but contracted a lethal disease fighting a horrifically conceived and named “AIDS Vampire” named the “Hemo-Goblin”.’ …That entry can’t be right, can it? Nobody could see ‘Hemo-Goblin the AIDS Vampire’ on a script proposal and say, ‘Okay, run with that!’, right?”
“I think that if I was on a super team and they said we were off to fight an AIDS vampire called the Hemo-goblin I’d sit that one out. Say my powers were acting up.”
“It appears to be genuine… Bizarrely it also appears to have been written by the usually reliable Steve Englehart, who had clearly run out of good ideas by that stage of his career.”
“This reminds me of the time I had a competition with myself to make a supervillian out of a household items and came out with War-d.r.o.b.e. Except even dumber…”
“What did D.R.O.B.E. stand for? I MUST KNOW!”
“It stood for ‘Hemo-Goblin the AIDS Vampire.’”
New Guardians was, if anything, even worse than it sounds above. Hemo-Goblin the AIDS Vampire - because, of yes, he was real - gave AIDS to Jet and DC’s first gay superhero, Extrano (No, really - Imagine a very, very camp Dr. Strange), who then cured himself by using a magic skull that talked to him. Jet, meanwhile, killed herself out of embarrassment in the Invasion crossover before the series was half a year old… But by that point, the team had also fought a villain who gained powers by snorting cocaine - It was the ’80s and this was what passed for social commentary, okay?!? - and found themselves abandoned by Steve Englehart and written by Cary Bates.
It wasn’t easy on any of us.
December 5th, 2006 at 11:02 am
From an “architectual” standpoint, Millenium is one of the best crossovers I’ve ever read (and I’ve read them all).
The pieces and characters just fit together so well there, especially the way the Suicide Squad was used.
I think it’s because the crossover was unofficially split into a number of mini crossovers, which then fit together in a sort of indirect Seven Soldiers sort of way.
December 5th, 2006 at 11:05 am
Now I really want to find, and read all of the New Guardians series.
The head of that Chinese team member with the circuits on his head (Ram, I think his name was) was seen mounted on the wall of Roulette’s supervillain casino way back in JSA.
…I know too much useless crap about comics.
December 5th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Agreed I loved Millenium because of how everything fit together perfectly. Each week’s crossovers fit between the issues of “Millenium” that came out weekly. Over those two months only one book shipped a week late (NOTE: only a week late, not months!!!, what’s Marvel’s excuse for Civil War?)
December 5th, 2006 at 2:09 pm
Oh, yeah and also agreed that New Guardians was a crappy follow up.
December 5th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
I’d like to know what Mark Millar’s excuse for Civil War is.
December 5th, 2006 at 3:08 pm
I bought Millenium, most of the crossover issues and the first 8 issues of New Guardians. And I enjoyed all of it. :p
New Guardians wasn’t very good but it wasn’t too bad for the time. I think they tried to do something new and edgier but weren’t quite sure of how to do it. I don’t know. It just didn’t work. I didn’t like Staton’s art the first time I saw it but I learned to appreciate it and enjoy it, at the very least. The man can certainly draw, even if I’m not particularly fond of his style.
In conclusion, there are worse comics. Much, much worse. :p
December 5th, 2006 at 3:10 pm
“The head of that Chinese team member with the circuits on his head (Ram, I think his name was)”
Ram was Japanese. Gloss was Chinese.
December 6th, 2006 at 1:31 am
How can you see the name Hemo-Goblin, the AIDS Vampire on a script proposal and not publish it. How awesomely awful. Love that.
I smell a comeback for the dread Hemo-goblin. Maybe he can get rid of some of the less interesting Brave New World revamps. In fairness, Hemo-goblin is not just the AIDS Vampire he is also a hell of a personal fashion and lifestyle consultant. He may kill you but you’ll look fabulous.