For most Superman fans, today is The Day: Superman Returns opens in theaters nationwide. I’m exhausted, and I haven’t even seen the movie; following the media coverage wore me out about a week ago.
Religious symbolism. Cultural significance. Sexual identity. It makes me tired. And that’s why I’m happy that today — S-Day, if you will — some of the stories have turned delightfully silly.
First up, the Onion’s A.V. Club, which sifts through the Man of Steel’s 68-year history to find a handful of foes who aren’t likely to crop up in future Superman films. Take, for instance:
The Giant Turtle Man
Appeared in: Jimmy Olsen #53 (June 1961)
Bio: While on vacation in the West Indies with Clark Kent and Lois Lane (for some reason), Jimmy Olsen discovers an enlarging ray. After some wacky antics which involve enlarging snails and sponges, he learns that enlarging rays aren’t all fun and games when he ends up in the path of one that’s just hit a turtle. Transformed into a beast with scales for skin and an oversized Jimmy Olsen head, the Giant Turtle Man embarks on a seemingly Gamera-inspired freakout.
Memorable quote: “My body’s changing, too! It’s becoming scaly and armor-plated… like a turtle’s shell!”
Why he’s unlikely to make it to the movies: Giant turtles are just so played out.
The Los Angeles Times chimes in with a rundown of Superman’s hair through the years, turning to Hollywood stylist Chaz Dean for his expertise.
Of his hair on Super Friends, The Times writes, “Bondo? Shellac? Not once did we ever see that hair move. Ever. But then, neither did the show’s backgrounds.”
Headline of the day (or maybe the month)
It may be that I haven’t had enough coffee yet, but I’ve read this headline and the accompanying press release several times, and I still can’t figure it out: “92 Year Old Dead Superman Writer Revives Paramount’s First Archival Animations Ever”
Many, many more links:
AOL’s In2TV Superman TV page
Film Threat’s lengthy look at Superman cinema
Superman versus … (Batman, Spider-Man and Wonder Woman)
Superman Returns comic-book prequels
Review of the 1988 Superboy TV series
